Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Correcting some Wrongs (of my Personal Essay)

I read my personal essay out loud to my husband. (1343 North, Dreamland USA) As I was reading I reflected on the comments made by my classmates earlier, and thought of ways I could incorporate their suggestions into my revisions. Also reading aloud helped me to hear what it sounded like, and notice what I actually meant or wanted to convey. It was a great way to see what I wanted to change.

For example, towards the beginning of my essay I vaguely describe my childhood home in a dream—but it is vague and not very descriptive. I had the thought (based on classmate’s suggestions as well) to change this part and add in some of the descriptions I have used in my first draft. (The Bumpy Tan Walls of 1343) Another part of that paragraph alludes to something being wrong before. It is a question that got skipped over as my husband pointed out, and it is awkward in my essay. I’m planning to take it out.

Another positive thing that my husband brought out was the direction my characterization of my mother was going. My husband also knows my mother (duh), but this was to my advantage. His ability to add some of his perceptions of her life and how I portrayed it was very helpful as I can delve deeper into describing some of the core attributes of my mother, as well as more adequately express the theme surrounding her.

Reading this to my husband helped to solve some of the issues that I didn’t like in my essay. He was blunt and upfront and very helpful in trying to make this better. He told me his overall theme of what I was saying, and I don’t think it matched up with what I was wanting to say, which shows me to be more careful in developing thoughts and to not leave them hanging. He knows me well, so he understood where I was going, but pointed out that not everyone else will.

It was overall a good experience to get feedback in this way. And it was fun to laugh about some of the memories portrayed in my essay, and to hear my husband’s favorite part of my essay (about the stairs of my old home being home for Barbie and Ken).

-Lizzy S.


  1. I felt very similar as to you did about my personal essay. I thought everything was perfect and then I read it aloud to my friend and found so many awkward sentences! It is intriguing to see how much changes when you read things aloud. I found myself fixing a lot of mistakes in my head and being able to put everything together like a puzzle in my head.

  2. I like how he was able to help you characterize your mom more and he was able to tell you bluntly what needed to be fixed. That is something that is valued when writing because if your critic isn't honest or blunt about what you need to fix then you'll be wondering what's wrong with your essay.