My Sharing Plan in Action

I was able to contact two of my good high school friends and share my personal essay and personal essay video with them.  One of them has already gotten back to me, but the other won't until later.

In order to share with these two friends, I simply messaged them on Facebook and asked them if they would check out my personal essay and personal essay video to help me out for a class.  I explained that we were trying to find ways to share our beliefs with those not of our faith, and, since they both knew me fairly well in high school, they were open to help me out.  I have since had a good discussion with the one who got back to me, and it was a really successful way to share my beliefs with him in a way that wasn't preachy or pushy or weird.

I really liked the approach I took because it was very casual and it didn't come off as if I was trying to throw my religion in their faces.  I think having assignments like this helps because, when something is due for a class, it makes it seem like it isn't just another proselyting effort.  However, because of the content, it should at least get those who check it out to be interested and hopefully want to learn more somewhere down the road.

I would also suggest being honest about the fact that this is actually about trying to share our faith.  If we don't mention that and then all of a sudden our religion pops up, it can seem very deceiving and maybe even annoying.  I wouldn't like it if that happened to me, because I would feel like the person sharing with me was trying to shove his/her religion in my face by tricking me.

How Sharing has gone for Me!

I followed my sharing plan, and shared with the people I had thought of before. To be honest, I got nervous to share it with some of the people. I wasn’t sure how to bring it up, or what to say. But I went for it anyway! I think I was most nervous with sharing it with the people in my ward who I work closely with…I wasn’t sure the best way to bring it up or share it. Since I interact with them often, I figured I would just send them an email (since we correspond that way too). I sent some emails, sharing my essay, others’ essays, or all of the essays in general depending on the person. I haven’t received any response from them, however. So I will try to follow up with them tomorrow when I see them next.

I also shared my essay and video with my family. I was surprised at their responses. I was honest with them, and told them that I didn’t feel like my essay was where I wanted it to be, but they all thought it captured our previous home and some of the memories perfectly. This was by far the most rewarding group to share it with. Even if no one else gains anything from reading my essay, I’m grateful I wrote it. For me and for my family, it is full of wonderful memories that definitely needed to be written down somehow. My parents were touched (my mom said they even got choked up!!—I wasn’t even intending for that). But I think for them, it was nice to read, but in a different way. They created my home, and that environment for me. I think they were grateful for my gratitude towards them, and that I had and do feel that way. My brother Jake was also very excited about it. I brought up some memories and details that he didn’t remember. So it was a fun treat for him! And he was excited for me to share it on Facebook so the “family friends” who own the house now could see it and just be reminded that he wants it for good reasons!

34 "likes" thus far on Instagram!

I also was able to share my essay with my friends who I grew up with. They really enjoyed it. And I was surprised, because after I shared it with my original “share plan” group, I decided I would post the link on Instagram and Facebook too—just to get it out there a little bit more. And I was surprised at the people who have read it and commented on it. I had people from my childhood ward read it and it brought back memories for them. I had my older sister’s friend (who is 11+ years older than me) read it—and she remembered coming to my house before and after the remodel, and she enjoyed it. I even had cousins, in-laws, and others read it who enjoyed it and who had some great memories of their own to share. (Which was fun to hear from them and their memories.)

Thus far, it has been a very rewarding thing. I was apprehensive about putting my work out there, but it has been very fun to connect with people over it!

-Lizzy S.

Finding Courage in a Friend

I chose to share my personal essay with my roommate who is not a member of the Church. Because our essays aim to include the Book of Mormon along with our personal experience, I thought she would provide a good perspective because she is not familiar with Book of Mormon stories and she would tell me if something didn't flow. Sometimes as members of the Church we forget that not everyone knows these accounts and we need to be mindful of that if our goal is to appeal to people who do not share our faith. 

We began with this draft of my essay. She said she liked the part with the dream; she said the descriptions were clear and helped her feel my emotion. However, she said starting with the story of Lehi turned her off and she suggested I bring in the religious aspect at the end. She also said she wished the essay gave more background on my relationship. While she knows the story with that guy, she said she didn't feel like the second draft gave the reader enough reasoning for why I would experience such a dream.

After hearing her suggestions, I read the first draft to her. I didn’t originally post it on our blog because I was worried it was too personal (I’ve gone back and taken out some identifying details). She loved this draft. She said it was considerably more powerful because it shows I’m a real person and it shows how much pain I was in. She said the first draft I read to her felt preachy and out of place, but the way I incorporated the Book of Mormon in the second reading was significantly more compelling.

Reading the original draft to her was hard; my voice was shaking and I felt really vulnerable. But seeing how moved she was and hearing how she never realized how badly I was hurting made me realize I have something in that draft to build on. That feeling was confirmed when she said she felt it could help people who are in similar relationships (and even people who receive dreams from God) to talk about what they’re going through. This is a story I need to share, not only to help myself heal, but also to help other people understand what it feels like to be in an emotionally abusive relationship. 

Retrieving and Using!

Reading my personal essay to others was such a help when others give feedback. My roommate Jenna was such a help as we talked after about my essay. I noticed that as I was reading my personal essay out loud to her I quickly paused to change a grammatical error I then resumed back to my personal essay. I was able to read it once more with the corrections added. After reading the essay I told her a little more about the story of the essay or subject of the matter I was talking about. She helped with a few of her ideas. I was able to go back and cross out some ideas to make the essay much more intriguing. I really liked when she had complimented on what scripture I had used and tied into the essay. I enjoyed reading aloud to her so much that I decided to ask for even more feedback as I went to my other roommates. I noticed how important it is for me to read my personal essay out loud to learn what to fix. I noticed that as I went from roommate to roommate I gathered such great ideas to add to my essay.

What to change is now held up to me. I was able to gather a bunch of information from my roommates after reading out loud just as a little child would gather Easter Eggs on Easter day.  The most important information I had gathered included going more in depth about the older stories that had made the relationship between my best friend and I so tight. I also noticed involving the scriptural reference throughout the essay instead of jamming it in at the end. I picked up that I need to make each little part or important part more equal instead of again jamming in the exposition and conclusion at the end. I really enjoyed this exercise and how it played a role in improving my personal essay and was so glad to get more input on my essay. 

Family Backgrounds

I read my personal essay to my roommate Paige. This process, as well as the input of classmates, gave me many helpful ideas of how to revise my draft.

Listening to my essay, I noticed some tense errors, as well as some other grammatical mistakes and repetition. I also found myself adding words to emphasize the effect of certain phrases and even to preface one event. I wrote in many changes that will help my essay be less redundant and more interesting.

Paige’s response to my essay helped me figure out what I should expand upon and emphasize with more imagery and descriptive language. For example, she laughed at the description of my siblings at the airport, but seemed to be less engaged during my description of my family at home. Through this, I realized that I had included much more colorful, detailed characterizations in the former than the later. I was also able to get feedback that my transitions were not confusing and this helped clear up some of my concerns about my writing.

Also, I had to explain the Book of Mormon component of my essay to her because it was a quote that does not seem explicitly scriptural until you see the citation. This made me reconsider expanding this aspect of my essay and adding more analysis.

In the last part of my essay, where I talk about my baby sister, Paige responded with a big “aww.” This led to me sharing more about her and my family. Paige told me more about her family, which is also big. I was able to share my experiences of being a Mormon with a big family in Minnesota and Paige compared it to her experiences in a large family in Idaho. It was cool to hear the differences and similarities in our perceptions of this common background.

Correcting some Wrongs (of my Personal Essay)

I read my personal essay out loud to my husband. (1343 North, Dreamland USA) As I was reading I reflected on the comments made by my classmates earlier, and thought of ways I could incorporate their suggestions into my revisions. Also reading aloud helped me to hear what it sounded like, and notice what I actually meant or wanted to convey. It was a great way to see what I wanted to change.

For example, towards the beginning of my essay I vaguely describe my childhood home in a dream—but it is vague and not very descriptive. I had the thought (based on classmate’s suggestions as well) to change this part and add in some of the descriptions I have used in my first draft. (The Bumpy Tan Walls of 1343) Another part of that paragraph alludes to something being wrong before. It is a question that got skipped over as my husband pointed out, and it is awkward in my essay. I’m planning to take it out.

Another positive thing that my husband brought out was the direction my characterization of my mother was going. My husband also knows my mother (duh), but this was to my advantage. His ability to add some of his perceptions of her life and how I portrayed it was very helpful as I can delve deeper into describing some of the core attributes of my mother, as well as more adequately express the theme surrounding her.

Reading this to my husband helped to solve some of the issues that I didn’t like in my essay. He was blunt and upfront and very helpful in trying to make this better. He told me his overall theme of what I was saying, and I don’t think it matched up with what I was wanting to say, which shows me to be more careful in developing thoughts and to not leave them hanging. He knows me well, so he understood where I was going, but pointed out that not everyone else will.

It was overall a good experience to get feedback in this way. And it was fun to laugh about some of the memories portrayed in my essay, and to hear my husband’s favorite part of my essay (about the stairs of my old home being home for Barbie and Ken).

-Lizzy S.