As I read my essay aloud to my roommate, and before I heard his feedback, I made some inner observations of my own.
First, I really liked the beginning of my essay
Second, I really didn't like the end
So I could kind of sense what I needed to work on and what I could build off of. Thankfully, my roommate gave me some much needed feedback and direction into what I could add. After asking a few questions, he told me that he thought the essay had a perfect for setup for where it needed to go but that it was missing something crucial- it needed conflict!
Although the beginning of the essay in a sense expresses the conflict of unexperienced newcomer facing a new environment, there is little in the later scenes to depict tension or struggle. My roommate suggested that this could be way to enhance the essay. While I'm not entirely sure how I will explore this dimension in my essay, it definitely made me think about the depth that could be added to the experience as I detail both the difficulty and struggle Manuel had to feel and overcome as he learned the Gospel as well as the inner struggle that I felt as we tried to help him to accept the message. I look forward to examining my essay from these angles and adding to my writing in this way. Although I was hesitant to want to share my essay initially, I walked away very benefited from the experience and open to sharing and receiving feedback from more people in the future.