I read my personal essay out loud to my husband. (1343 North, Dreamland USA) As I was reading I reflected on the comments made by my classmates earlier, and
thought of ways I could incorporate their suggestions into my revisions. Also
reading aloud helped me to hear what it sounded like, and notice what I
actually meant or wanted to convey. It was a great way to see what I wanted to
change.
For example, towards the beginning of my essay I
vaguely describe my childhood home in a dream—but it is vague and not very
descriptive. I had the thought (based on classmate’s suggestions as well) to
change this part and add in some of the descriptions I have used in my first
draft. (The Bumpy Tan Walls of 1343) Another part of that paragraph alludes to something being wrong before.
It is a question that got skipped over as my husband pointed out, and it is
awkward in my essay. I’m planning to take it out.
Another positive thing that my husband brought out
was the direction my characterization of my mother was going. My husband also
knows my mother (duh), but this was to my advantage. His ability to add some of
his perceptions of her life and how I portrayed it was very helpful as I can
delve deeper into describing some of the core attributes of my mother, as well
as more adequately express the theme surrounding her.
Reading this to my husband helped to solve some
of the issues that I didn’t like in my essay. He was blunt and upfront and very
helpful in trying to make this better. He told me his overall theme of what I
was saying, and I don’t think it matched up with what I was wanting to say,
which shows me to be more careful in developing thoughts and to not leave them
hanging. He knows me well, so he understood where I was going, but pointed out
that not everyone else will.
It was overall a good experience to get feedback
in this way. And it was fun to laugh about some of the memories portrayed in my
essay, and to hear my husband’s favorite part of my essay (about the stairs of
my old home being home for Barbie and Ken).
-Lizzy S.
