The Sublime Spirituality of Literature

While writing to her eight-year correspondent T.W. Higginson, Emily Dickinson wrote "If I read a book [and] it makes my whole body so cold no fire can ever warm me I know that is poetry. If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry. These are the only ways I know it. Is there any other way?

Recently, I have extensively studied eighteenth-century aesthetic theory. Theorists such as Edmund Burke and Joseph Addison explored multiple aesthetic concepts such as beauty, sublime, taste, imagination among others. Specifically analyzing the sublime, Joseph Addison argued that a sublime experience was a type of elevation, heightening or intensification. Shawn Irlam describes the sublime as an "encounter with infinity or what mimics it; that which exceeds the capacities of the senses, massive or minute" (Irlam 515). As I studied the descriptions of sublime encounters of poets and theorists, I realized that this concept is not new to me.

Courtesy of Wikipedia

Growing up as a Latter-Day Saint, I am quite familiar with the belief that one can be connected with "the infinite" or God, in more religious terms. I have had these moments of elevation as I attempt to grasp something larger and grander than myself. As I think of eternity or the Plan of Salvation, my mind can barely comprehend the meaning. Enlightenment theorists described such experiences as sublime; I describe them as a witness from God. To be honest, I don't find my description and the theorists description much different. 

Reflections on Jer3miah

The Jeremiah video series following a young boy named Jeremiah Whitney who is a college freshman.  He learns that he has a supernatural/religious purpose he is supposed to carry out and said purpose often puts he and those around him in danger.

This video series was definitely something.  I have never really watched a video series before so this was a new medium experience for me; each episode was probably no more than ten minutes and I enjoyed the breaks the episodes provided to a two hour total watch time.  Like I said, watching Jer3miah was an interesting experience.

At first, I did not know if I liked that the perspective of the series was through a video camera.  However, it does provide as opportunity to see through the eyes of Jeremiah.  We got to see how he interacts and how he sees the world and people around him.

I did think the mixture of religious and mystical elements provided for an new interesting genre.  However, I thought some of the elements were hard to follow.  The inclusion of mystical, supernatural elements sometimes seemed out of place and I often felt like I had missed important plot events that led to places such as the magical cave place.  I felt like there was more focus on including supernatural elements rather than developing the plot and I wasn't always sure why the mystics were needed.

I also wish there would have been more character development.  I really wanted to care about the characters more than I actually did.  They seemed a little flat.  That being said, perhaps the purpose was not character development but creating a sphere where religion and the supernatural exist together.  Though I desired more from the characters and even more explanation for certain elements and plot elements, this series did peek my interest.  I hadn't noticed such a peek until the two hours ended and I was left wondering: what happens next?  This video series has not been continued and part of me hates that I won't be able to continue watching and see how it ends.

The Complex Heart

Often the core, key or essential part of an experience or situation is referred to as the “heart of the matter”. The heart is essential to the human body and its functioning. Yet the heart is more than a symbol of importance and functionality; the heart often symbolizes emotion, love, tenderness and compassion. References to the heart happen often throughout the chapters of the Book of Mormon. The word “heart” is mentioned 158 times and attached to multiple phrases within the book. Forms and variations of “imaginations of the heart” are found five times, “hardening of hearts” found twenty three times, “softening of hearts” found eight times”, “pride of their hearts” found thirteen times and “broken heart” found eight times. Obviously, the heart is capable of a lot; breaking, imagining, hardening and softening. In these contexts, the heart represents a compassionate person, a humble beggar, a prideful murmurer and others. The Book of Mormon writers use this complex symbol for this reason; the heart is capable of much greatness. The heart is a life source, pumping blood to every dependent part of the body; it is our lifeline to mortality, to humanity. Yet, the heart is also a pair of scissors to said lifeline. When the hearts stop beating so does mortality's pulsation and life leaves the occupant. However, the heart represents more than a physical life but a spiritual life as well. The symbol of the heart represents a compassionate, righteous life when it is softened but represents sin and pride when hardened.

 Nephi promises blessing to those who avoid such a hardening. In 1 Nephi 14 he writes "And it shall come to pass, that if the Gentiles...harden not their hearts against the Lamb of God...they shall be a blessed people upon the promised land forever" and he continues in chapter 15 to say "If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you". So though the heart can stop the flow of blood and metaphorically the flow of truth, the heart's most critical and beautiful job is softening.

The phrases "burning of the bosom" or "swelling of the heart" aren't strictly metaphorical; anyone who has experienced moments of wonderful emotion or intense, emotional pain has felt this. Emotion is physically felt in the heart for the heart is more than an organ but a threshold for deep feeling. I have the experienced forms and variations the Book of Mormon attaches to the heart. My heart has felt hardened toward truth, my heart has softened toward my fellow men, my heart has been filled with vain pride and my heart has presented itself to God, broken and discouraged. Luckily, God accepts us wholeheartedly and I am thankful for that. And I am thankful for my heart and all it can do.

Written for Humanity: Revision

When reading a novel, poem or essay, I don't like when I am given the "moral of the story" within in the first paragraph. I like to analyze and search and even create my own meaning. Where is the fun when the answer is blatantly stated?

Among the chapters in the Book of Mormon, the writers often include a statement of intended language. In 2 Nephi 31: 2-3, Nephi states that he will speak in plain language and he emphasizes "plain" multiple times. He says "I must speak concerning the doctrine of Christ; wherefore, I shall speak unto you plainly, according to the plainness of my prophesying". The prophets of the Book of Mormon write to enlighten and engage our understanding; they do not write to confuse or misguide. Just like when conveying something clear and essential, we do not do so in difficult terms. We tell it like it is. The Book of Mormon is meant to be understood by humanity for it was written for humanity. Nephi testifies "For the Lord God giveth light unto the understanding; for he speaketh unto men according to their language, unto their understanding".

When I read the scriptures, I want to be told and carefully guided the answer. I've been taught that we can find answers and happiness in the scriptures so I'd rather receive inspiration and knowledge sooner rather than later. Sometimes though, as I'm sure most people will find, I don't always understand what I am reading; whether it be the message, the language or the context I am unsure. But I trust that Nephi and others were honest in their intentions to speak plainly of the workings of God. The intention of the Book of Mormon is even stated on the first page. On the title page, Mormon writes that such a record intends “to show unto the remnant of the house of Israel what great things the Lord hath done for their fathers; and that they may know the covenants of the Lord, that they are not cast off forever­­ – And also to the convincing of the Jew and Gentile that Jesus is the Christ”.

The Book of Mormon was not only written for scholars or prophets but for us. It was written plainly and is meant to be understood. So I may enjoy the well-crafted words of Shakespeare or appreciate the deep passions of Emily Bronte but more than that I adore the plain and simple truths the Book of Mormon offers to all who read.

The Art of Not Knowing

Patricia Karamesines "Introduction to the Mysteries/How to Read a Poem" uses a rather informal tone.  She dedicates her poem to "Sean" and the first line begins with "First, kiddo" as if addressing her son or a young person she cares about and is familiar with.  She addresses the reader as "toots" and "dearie" and "darling" giving the poem a light-hearted touch.    In a few places, she writes categorically listing different ideas as one would do when expressing ideas with examples.   Her poem, in many places, reads like a conversation.For example, while trying to explain how to read a poem in the second stanza, she writes "If you read a poem, yourself, alone, watch for those sudden synchronizations of, you know, pulses..."  Her tone makes the poem identifiable as if she was speaking to me and was perhaps my mother.  Though the tone and language of the poem often remains informal, the poet addresses a much deeper thought.

The last line of her poem reads "It isn't to know, darling, it's never to know, but only ever follow what calls". I was reminded of the movie "The Santa Claus" were a sweet little elf tells Tim Allen "Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing".  Karamesines, in her poem, encourages the reader to experience, take risks, find adventure and stumble upon truth and knowledge as if  catching such things "playing naked in the stream".  She does not suggest not to seek for truth but rather experience life in a way where truth will find you.

Often times, I think Heavenly Father gives us a similar answer to our prayers.  We often want immediate and comprehensive answers to every plea and prayer without actually experiencing the adventure that comes when we don't know everything.  The poet writes "To read a poem is to stand with it and to move, to change in ardor of exchange, to wind with words into a nerve bundle of world's desire."  Such advice should be applied to experiencing life in general; we should be willing to experience and trust in God's promise that we will stumble upon our answers.

Written for Humanity

Image courtesy of deseretbook.com

When reading a novel, poem or essay, I don't like when I am given the "moral of the story" within in the first paragraph.  I like to analyze and search and even create my own meaning.  Where is the fun when the answer is blatantly stated?  However, I have one exception: the Book of Mormon.  When I read the scriptures, I want to be told and carefully guided the answer.  I've been taught that we can find answers and happiness in the scriptures so I'd rather receive inspiration and knowledge sooner rather than later.  Sometimes though, as I'm sure most people will find, I don't always understand what I am reading; Whether it be the the message, the language or the context I am unsure.

As I have been reading from the Book of Mormon these past few months, I have noticed a common occurrence: a statement of intended language.  In 2 Nephi 31: 2-3, Nephi states that he will speak in plain language and he emphasizes "plain" multiple times.  He says "I must speak concerning the doctrine of Christ; wherefore, I shall speak unto you plainly, according the the plainness of my prophesying".  The prophets of the Book of Mormon write to enlighten and engage our understanding; They do not write to confuse or misguide.  Just like if we want to convey something clear and essential, we do not do so in difficult terms.  We tell it like it is.  The Book of Mormon is meant to be understood by humanity for it was written for humanity.  Nephi testifies "For the Lord God giveth light unto the understanding; for he speaketh unto men according to their language, unto their understanding".  The Book of Mormon was not only written for scholars or prophets but for us. It was written plainly and is meant to be understood.

The Oil Lamp

Inspired by Kenny Kemp's "Welcoming Door"

Much was to be done today: dished to be cleaned, laundry to be hung and bread to be baked.  But most importantly, oil to be replenished.  Ebele's lamp oil had recently run low and she wanted to be prepared for tonight's festivities.  Her chores scurried by in a blur as her excitement grew for the upcoming celebration. She had been invited to welcome the bridegroom and she couldn't contain her elation.  

Leaving the bread to rise, Ebele left for the market with more sprite in her step than usual.  She usually did not enjoy the market for it was crowded and humid with merchants always fighting for attention.  She pushed her way through the crowed and found her desired stand off to the side.  

Ebele patiently waited as the elderly woman filled her small, clay lamp.  She noticed a man and then another young woman line up behind her, making Ebele thankful for when she arrived.  After he lamp was filled, Ebele remained near the cart, relishing in the shade for a moment.  The young man received his oil and also remained by the car, his reasons unknown since he remained in the boiling sun rather than the shade.  He seemed to be observing the next person in line.  She was young, probably not much younger than Ebele.

"Sorry" said the merchant woman "I have sold the last of my supply".  Again, Ebele was thankful for her spot in line.  "Please" the girl exhaled, "you must have more."  The merchant shook her head and began packing up her station.  The young girl closed her eyes and silently began to weep.  As the girl wept, the young man standing by approached her and poured his oil into her lamp.  Her tears stopped.

"But what of your lamp?  Your lamp will not light if you give me your oil"  The young man smiled.

"I know where to find more".

"But where?" the girl asked.  "I know of no other source."

"God always replenishes our store when we ask of him" he gently replied.

"What is your name?"

"Jeshua" he said.  He nodded and then went his way.

The Door Opens Inward

picture by Morillo

"The Welcoming Door" by Kenny Kemp tells the stories of three well-known parables: the prodigal son, the talents and the Good Samaritan.  However, Kemp provides an intimate and different perspective, placing Christ (called Jeshua) in these stories as more of an observer rather than the main character.  Each retelling of the parable deepens our understanding of Christ as the peaceful and compassionate man that He is and was to the people in these stories.  The end of each story ends with an "Epilogue" where Kemp portrays Christ telling the parables, now seen as personal experiences rather than general stories.  

One of the metaphors that really touched me from Kemp's book was his metaphor of the door that opens inward in Prodigal Son parable.  Jeshua has been hired to repair the door of a man named Eli.  After working on the door for a few days, Jeshua explains that the door must be completely replaced.  As Eli, the father of the prodigal son, yearns for his lost child, Jeshua tells him that the door must be hung to swing inward as to welcome family, friends and love through the door.  He describes that a door that swings outward is just a passage way for people and livestock to leave but a door that swings inward welcomes all to the warmth of the home.  Simply put, I loved that perspective.  Extended further, this metaphor emphasizes that we must let Christ in with love and trust rather than show him out with bitterness and frustration.  We must also do the same for our fellow men.  

I am impressed by Kemp's praising yet humble view of the Savior before His ministry.  Kemp shows Christ as a carpenter, participating in responsibilities and physical labor, teasing his brothers and loving all he comes in contact with.  We know more about Christ's ministry than His earlier life so I found this portrayal of Christ's early years as comforting and tender.  

Something More than Romance

Jenny Proctor's essay Mountains Between Us focuses on the lives of two people, Eliza and Henry, and their experiences at Rockbridge Academy which is a facility/school for troubled teens.  Both being member of the Mormon Church, they often find their paths intersecting at school, church and romantically.  However, Henry is guarded due to a recent divorce and complicated past with his biological father and Eliza never knows where she stands with him.  She herself has faced her own struggles losing her father at age eleven, living with an alcoholic mother and dealing with now an alcoholic sister.  However, Eliza's outlook is much different than Henry's as she finds the blessings in life rather than focusing on her struggles.  After undergoing a change of heart, Henry finally lets go of the bitterness toward life and forgives his father and lets Eliza into his life, both romantically and spiritually.

Honestly, I loved this book.  Similarly to Will Wonders Never Cease by Douglas Thayer, Proctor writes a story that provides a look into the lives of members of the Mormon church. Mormon authors have often been described as cookie-cutter but rather I think Mormons are sometimes seen as cookie-cutter when that isn't necessarily the case.  Proctor showed that Mormons are just these always smiling, always baking cookies kind of people.  She provided a look into the life of a person who goes through trials, loses faith, finds love who so happens to be Mormon.  Most of the time, Mormon books are referred to as "cookie cutter" because the stories usually end with a happy ending.  And yes, this novel did.  But that doesn't make it a fairy-tale.  Henry wasn't able to say goodbye to his father, his ex-wife was still marrying his old friend and AJ was going to have another father figure.  Eliza's sister did get treatment but there is still that fear that she might fall back into old habits.  Nothing about this ending is butterflies and rainbows.  This endings show the blessing of opening yourself up to forgiveness and to others.  Yes, it did involve a romance as many Mormon and Non-Mormon literary works do but it was more than that.  A lot more and I commend Proctor for her work.

Unavoidable Grief

"Will Wonders Never Cease" told an intensive story of a fifteen year old named Kyle on the brink of starvation and hypothermia stuck beneath a freak avalanche. He struggles between longing for relief from his suffering and desiring to experience more of life like dating, school and even a mission. A large, if not the most present, concept in the novel is the inevitability of death and its contemplative nature. However, I was drawn to another inevitable concept: grief. The workings of grief have been at the forefront of my mind lately. Within in a year, my hometown has suffered three unexpected deaths, all of whom attended my church building. One was a middle-aged mother who had a brain aneurism, the second was a 19 year old boy who was hit by another boy and fell back at hit his head and the third, happening two days ago, was a member of the neighboring ward's bishopric who had a heart attack. Each time I was told about these deaths, I felt overcome with grief though only personally knowing one. How does one deal with the grief when it is your child, spouse, sibling, etc.? I honestly do not know, it is hard for me to think about. This question is addressed in the character of Lucille. She allowed herself to grieve. She allowed herself to cry. Yet, she endured. She endured through her faith, her family, and her love for her son.

Most of the literature we have read deals with some degree of grief. In "Dispirited", both Blake and Cathy have suffered the loss of a parent. In "The Seventh Son", the Alvin's family loses a brother and a son. Yet the story of their lives continues. Because life always continues, right? I think Kyle realizes this. Life will continue when he dies bringing him a degree of sadness. I think Lucille realizes this as well. Life will continue with her son gone and she can either endure with it or not. How you choose to endure through that kind of extreme grief I don't know but my deepest respect extends to those who do.

Creative Commons

 

The Blogging World

To be honest, at first I didn't really know where to begin my search for blogs to read so I simply entered "recommended blogs" in the Google search bar.  As would be expected, I was given website upon website with titles such as "Top 100 Blogs of 2014" and such.  I skimmed through some of those websites but most were business blogs or catalogue type blogs and nothing really interested me.  So I searched for blogs on Google+ and found one that really surprised me.  The blogger is Liz Strauss and she is an international brand strategist.  Now, when I read her profession I didn't really know what that meant and assumed she wouldn't be writing personal posts but she had a quote posted to her profile that said "You're only a stranger once...be irresistible!"  that intrigued me.  I found a link to her blog called LettingMeBe (lettingmebe.blogspot.com).  Her posts were artful, intelligent and even philosophical yet also personal.  I was surprised at how much I like her content.  She had about 25 comments on each post and I enjoyed commenting on her writing as others had, it made me feel part of the web.  I was skeptical at first of simply looking around for random people but I was pleased with what I found.

Still, I felt there was something more to be read.  Though Facebook is a closer circle that the Google Search Bar, I decided to see who of my friends kept blogs.  One girl from my Sophomore ward, a girl I have only had a few conversations with, just began a blog.  She has only posted once.  I read her post and was moved to tears.  Her writing was precise yet moving as she described the death of someone close to her family.  I immediately messaged her and thanked her for her post and complimented the aspects I liked.  She responded, admitting that she had been nervous to post her writing and she told me she was in the midst of posting another and hoped I would read it.

Though both different experiences, I have enjoyed letting go of my own writing and focusing on the works of others.  It is rather gratifying.

Body and Spirit

Dispirited by Louisa Perkins portrayed a world that was both relatable, believable yet also over my head and questionable which is why I think I enjoyed this novel so much. It read like an enjoyable, fantasy-like novel but touched on deeper ideas and thoughts that have definitely circled in my mind especially as a Latter Day Saint. For example, as Latter Day Saints we believe that the mortal existence is not the first existence and not the last. Perkins novel creates different existences or dimensions and intermingles them with each other. Though the details of the Spirit World are unknown, it is often described as being close and being around us. Perkins definitely portrays a path in which worlds can connect and though portrayed in a more magical way, she makes the mind ponder.

The most impactful aspect of Perkins' novel that stuck me was her emphasis on the importance of the soul and its relationship with the physical body. Not only the importance of the relationship but the individuality of the relationship. At one point in the novel, Januarye explains that Zared's spirit will never belong in Bunny's body. This explanation suggests that our souls are unique and our bodies are designed to suit one soul alone. Once Bunny's soul as left his body, he cannot fully function with out it in fact he can barely function at all. This is why he require Cathy's help. The longer Bunny is away from his body, the more disconnected he comes and the more of himself he loses. Being a Latter Day Saint, I have been taught that when we depart from our mortal existence our spirit and body are separated for a time but will one day be reunited. This reunification of body and soul is crucial to our eternal existence. If the relationship between a body and spirit were unimportant this bonding would not be a pertinent part of eternity. Yet while on Earth we are commanded to take care of our bodies and treat them as sacred and holy while also nourishing our spirits allowing them to grow in unison. Perkins illuminates this idea in her novel by making one of the main purposes be reuniting Bunny with his rightful body.

Perkins' novel, when looked at as a whole, reads as a great fantastical novel. Yet, when taken apart in pieces this novel reflects and supports in a sense the beliefs that I have come to know. Though she addresses hazy concepts like the post-mortal world, ghosts/spirits, Heaven and Hell, she does so in a manner that is thought provoking and enjoyable.

Sharing "The Helping Hand"

Last week, I shared by essay "The Helping Hand" with anyone on Facebook who was willing to read. I had done this before with my own personal blog so sharing on social media wasn't foreign to me.  I have also done some individual sharing before but mostly with family members.  Specifically asking someone outside of my family to read my writing was a little intimidating.

I had a really close friend my last year of high school and we went through a lot of ups and downs together.  Once I came to BYU, we slowly drifted apart due to distance, disagreements and such. Yet, in the past few months I have tried really hard to reconnect.  For the past few years my friend has struggled with the church, girls, family, etc. and I have felt impressed to offer my support lately.
He will soon be starting school and often asks me about my classes.  This weekend I told him about this class, Latter Day Saint literature, and asked if he would read my essay and offer some feedback. I asked him to consider these aspects:

• what did you like/dislike about the story?
• What did you like/dislike about the writing?
• What are some suggestions to make this essay better?
• Did the religious aspect seem out of place, abrupt or not thoroughly explained

Here was his response and I was very surprised and thankful for his honest answers:
His compliments:

I loved the humor throughout, it definitely kept me interested.  Your voice comes through and I liked the imagery you used (the Egyptian princess was especially good).  I thought it flowed well and the story really supported your main point

His suggestions:

I think there is a better way to end your entry than "Another girl lied down on the dirt path and began picking her headstone".  I think this particular quote could have place somewhere else in the body of your essay but I think right at the end kind of takes away from your point sort of muddling the closing.

As for "Maybe I am overreacting but that's how it felt at the time", it seems like an unnecessary addition. I feel like you sold the agony of the hike so well and with such good imagery, if you say something like that its like your admitting you are not sold on how tough it was yourself.  You have to own it.

He has never like writing and I remember editing some of his English papers in high school.  I enjoyed seeing how the roles reversed and hearing the great advice he had to offer.  The suggestions he gave wouldn't have crossed my mind.  I thought my ending was clever and didn't realize how it might detract from the essay.  I thought my line about overreacting added to the humor but rather it seemed to have taken away from my experience.  Overall, this was a good building block for my ability to share with others and also a good building block for a friendship being rekindled.

Common Topic, New Perspective

The compilation of plays Out of the Mount contains multiple scenarios that occur in the lives of the Mormon characters.  Some of the plays touch on sensitive subjects that aren't often written about like same-sex attraction while others touch on common topics in Mormon literature like the fall of Adam and Eve.  Gaia, written by Eric Samuelson, depicts a scene in the Pre-Earth life, a place where we dwelled as intelligences preparing to go to earth.  A woman named Gaia has a conversation with Lucifer and their views strongly differ regarding their Father's (God's) plan: Lucifer finds it unfair and condemning while Gaia sees it as a way to become like God.

Many Mormon authors write about their musings and perspective of our pre-earth existence.  However, Samuelson did so in a more personal, one-on-one way.  As Mormons, we often hear that Lucifer fought against God's plan but don't touch as much as to why he did.  The dialogue between Lucifer and Gaia shows that his contempt was not simply out of desire for power; He was scared, unsure and felt human beings should be judged the same as other beings such as animals.  He shares his desire to be a shark, only abiding by instinct and not being judged at the end of his journey.  I was more intrigued by his character than that of Gaia's.  As most know, Adam and Eve were the first on the earth yet Samuelson provides an interesting perspective on this knowledge as well.  Could Lucifer been one of the first but because of his decision he lost that privilege?  Lucifer is always portrayed as a tyrant yet in this play he is portrayed as confused and struggling to see the happiness in God's plan. Overall, Samuelson provides interesting perspective on Lucifer's thoughts and actions.

I will admit, the writing itself was rather flat.  It appeared that the playwright only focused on the content of the play rather than the stylistic choices. At times, the writing seemed to detract from the interesting concepts.  However, what if Samuelson did this on purpose?  Many of us have had to have a heartbreaking conversation with people we love and it can go a multitude of ways.  Perhaps Samuelson chose to use flat conventions and at times dull dialogue (though interesting perspectives) to allow the reader to personally take on the conversation and place themselves in the shoes of Gaia. Or even the shoes of Lucifer.  In this way,  Samuelson allows a more personal reading for the reader.

Something Old, Something New

I have my own blog that I post on in phases. I started about two years ago and got in the habit of sharing my posts on Facebook so sharing on Facebook in this experience wasn't new for me. However, I had never asked for specific feedback let alone any feedback; I have always just posted and gotten "likes" and "That was great!". I chose to share my essay "The Helping Hand". When I asked for feedback this time around, I didn't get responses very quickly. I did get "likes" but it took a few days for anyone to respond as if they were wary of giving feedback or something. Thankfully Sunday night I finally received some feedback and the wondering what people thought was over. Here were some of my responses:

-Great imagery. I found the Egyptian princess analogy very entertaining. Very easy to follow and clearly written.

-I enjoyed this post because it is so relatable to us all. How many times are we guilty of rejecting the helping hands around us because of our own pride. I think it's important for us to remember that when we deny those around us the opportunity to help, we are denying them the opportunity of serving.

-I felt like I was with you every step of the way.  Your descriptions made your essay very relatable and realistic.
 

So what I gleaned from these responses is that my post was relatable and descriptive.  Though descriptive is an aspect of writing, only one person commented specifically on my writing.  I know there are aspects of this short essay that need polishing and revising yet no one seemed to suggest aspects to work on.  It made me wonder two things: These people are close to me so are they afraid of making suggestions in worries of offending me? I appreciate critical feedback so maybe next time I will specifically ask for suggestions.  Secondly, if their main comments were on my content and not my writing, which is more important: the way a story is told/written or the story itself?

The Helping Hand

After reading the "Tell Me Who I Am" books of essays, I find myself remembering the first essay. In her essay "All We, Like Sheep", Denae Handy writes a hilarious essay about her experience administering medicine to sheep in the Peruvian Andes. She writes funny and detailed description of her experience with seemingly no larger point. However, in the last page Handy takes a simple story and relates a personal lesson she learned. The majority of her essay was not building up to any moral and just made for a great story and I liked how she waited until the end add a more spiritual touch. She began with humor and ended with a moral. In my essay, I imitate that style.

During the summer before my sophomore year of high school I learned that a two mile hike does not prepare you for a 22 mile hike, especially if you didn't even attend the preparatory 2 miler. Let's just say I was not in the best of shape that summer and hiking to prepare for hiking was not at the top of my summer fun list.

The young men of our ward always went on intense High Adventures: 50 mile hikes, 80 mile kayaking trips and submitting Mt. Everest (not really the last one but you would think they had with all their bragging). My Young Women's president, who was an outdoor junkie, decided that the young women would embark on our own "high adventure". The first attempt was a two mile canoe trip. My canoe partner and I had to be towed to shore. After that "high adventure", we secretly began calling our outdoor experiences "low adventures". However, our next hike would make us bite our tongues. Like really hard.

The trail was called the Pacific Crest Trail. Our destination was a small town near Lake Chelan, Washington. We began the hike on a rather flat part of the trail. With 40lbs packs and 85 degree weather, exhaustion was soon to show it ugly face but the start-of-the-trail optimism overshadowed the impending doom for a while. Our leaders told us the total distance was 11 miles, we would walk five the first day and six the second. HA! That was a joke. At mile five we had all run out of water but I mean its not like water is essential or anything.

Basement Rooms and Reusable Furniture

Since the start of this semester, I have come to this realization: having classes in building basements is the bane of my existence.  At least, I feel this way on Tuesdays and Thursdays because for some strange reason those are the days I suffer.  I enter, having been exposed to crisp temperatures moments earlier, only to enter the heat of the underworld.  I had two classes on Thursday, one at noon and the other at three and both in the basements of separate buildings.  I had prepared myself, equipped with a chilled water bottle and removable jacket.  After my first class, I left feeling feverish and convinced I had contracted an illness.  My face was flushed, my throat lethargic and I quickly escaped the fever-inducing miniature auditorium.  My three o'clock class ensued the same way except instead of guzzling my water, I held the cold plastic to my face while my professor theatrically read Longfellow.

"It was the schooner Hesperus, that sailed the wintry sea"
Forty five minutes left? Kill me now.
"And the skipper had taken his little daughter, to keep him company"
I must have a fever.  I need a thermometer.
"Blue were her eyes as the fairy-flax, her cheeks like the dawn of day"
If I wanted to sit in a sauna for an hour I would have paid for a gym membership instead of tuition.

The heat and humidity made my mind blur and I craved a Dr. Pepper slurpee.  My husband picked me up in our Avalon.  I quickly cranked up the cool and rolled down the windows.  I appreciate that Brennon hid his "My wife is crazy" look well.  With hot cheeks and a heat-induced headache, we began our errands with less excitement than I had earlier anticipated.  First, we would go to Michael's for Valentine decorations.  Then, we would drive down State Street to Deseret Industries to look for furniture and finally make our way to the grocery store for Super Bowl odds and ends.  It is depressing how the effects of heat can change Valentines Day into a stupid holiday, furniture into useless room additions and food into an unnecessary necessity.

Luckily, my attitude quickly changed as I entered the pick and red garnished isles of the craft store.  A feeling of domesticity came over me as I searched through heart-shaped decorative signs and festive candy dishes.  I felt proud as I unloaded my craft supplies onto the counter.  As I looked over my purchases I thought "My mom is gonna be so proud of me".

Finding Worth and Finding God

An Inner Struggle: Mission Impossible

General Conference October 2012: Morning
We are all sprawled on the couch or on the floor. Pajamas are the fashion and cereal is being crunched during the opening song. The program proceeds as usual, "Welcome to such and such session of Conference...the young women of the Church will now be able to serve missions at the age of nineteen". All of us gasp and eyes gawk. One roommate had always planned on a mission so this simply shifted her plan forward. Another roommate was seriously dating a nice young man but now a mission was on the table. And then me. A mission have never been on or off the table. Now, in a matter of five seconds, I was of mission age. The more I thought, the more enthused I became about the idea. I called by parents who replied "We knew we would get this call from you".

December 2012:
"Dear Paige Whitney, You have been accepted into the Landscape and Literature study abroad for Spring of 203". I knew what people would think. "Oh, you chose a mission over a study abroad?" or "You know, you will never regret going on a mission but you will regret not going", as if I had made one of my greatest decisions on a whim. No, God did not tell me not to go on a mission. He left the decision up to me though I wanted Him to make it for me. When I decided to go on a mission, I felt anxious and confused. When I decided not to go, I felt peace. Perhaps, I finally accepted, my mission would not come in the mail or send me away. Though God did not make my decision, once made, He let me know I had a different mission ahead.

Scripture, Personal, and Powerful: Finding a Gift
I was the only girl in my Young Women's group who played piano. I won the creative writing contest at my high school. I was a Mormon and so I stood out in my community. I had considered writing and piano my two talents from a young age and being a Mormon was a large part of my identity...until I arrived at Brigham Young University. Every sacrament meeting contained a musical number performed by an individual who had played since infancy. I began the English major and everyone had impressive writing abilities. I became absolved in a Mormon community where I was one of many. I was in a BYU rut, I like to called it. I was lost in a sea of talent, intelligence and spiritual giants. With nowhere else to go and little hope of finding solace, I opened by scriptures randomly to Doctrine and Covenants Section 11 and read "Behold, thou hast a gift, or thou shalt have a gift if thou wilt desire of me in faith, with an honest heart, believing in the power of Jesus Christ, or in my power which speaketh unto thee". Though my fingers did not magically fill with musical genius or my mind with beautiful poetics, the scripture touched my dampened soul. Looking back, I cannot point out specifically a new talent I received but I can say that God heard me and my plea for acknowledgement.

Different Forms, Different Effects?

Something about personal essays makes them my favorite literary outlet.  I noticed that out of the five personal essays I read dealt with similar topics including loss, missionary lessons and difficult situations.  However, though similar topics, each was told in a completely different way.  Some focused on describing the emotions felt, some described one specific moment, others told a story.  I especially enjoyed the essays that did describe a moment yet did so with specific detail and emotion that it was able to fill an entire essay.  I think that is an especially moving way to write an essay and perhaps an aspect I would like to incorporate into my own essay.  Another aspect of some of the essays was their different perspective on situations.  Though multiple talked of grief, each provided a perspective I had never considered before.  By doing so, I found myself relating to stories and situations I have never experienced myself something I desire to accomplish in my own writing.

The form of a video proceeding the essay was an interesting introduction.  Though I liked the idea of an introduction, many of the videos seemed too long.  I enjoyed the shorter videos because they gave an inkling into the subject and sparks enough interest to read the essay but does not completely give away everything.  Some of the videos seem to give the essence of the whole essay and I was left with a small desire to read what they had written.  After reading a few essays that had longer essays, the essays were still great but I think the initial interest is important in introducing an essay so I appreciated the shorter videos.  However, though I have said opinion, the video form gave an opportunity for the writers to verbally express their essays and invite others to read.  

As for the blogging form in regards to a personal essay, I can't say I felt much different reading the essay on a blog as compared to in a compilation on paper.  I think the difference simply is that the blog makes an essay more accessible and easily shared which can definitely be a plus.  Overall, I appreciated the blog form but it didn't affect my reading of the essay.

I Believe In Magic

When first hearing the premise of this book, I expected more fantasy if that even makes sense.  Stereotypically, I expected magical battles and wands and mystical creatures.  Orson Scott Card, I concluded by the end, uses just the right amount of magic and mystics to make them seem believable.  I quickly found myself reading this story not as fantasy but as realistic fiction.  Card uses magic not as a replacement for religion but rather a complimentary belief system and a compliment to the lives of this community.  Card emphasizes truth in all forms.  Reverend Thrower, though a proclaimed holy man, refuses to accept their to be a devil in his own chapel yet insists on the devil inside a ten year old boy.  Whether LDS or not, the pure and humble intentions of a ten year old boy are recognizably more true and holy than the preachings of Reverend Thrower.

Michael R. Collings states that "In much science fiction, for example, references to gods, angels, or other supernatural beings are intended to be metaphorical...since to do otherwise would violate a basic convention of science fiction itself" (67).  However, Collins explains that "Card inverts the process, using incidents, characters, and other elements of history to symbolize the divine...his story touches on the essence of America, not as it was historically, but as it means emotionally and psychologically" (67).  By doing so, Scott increases this magical believability.  Though the reader may understand that many events were not historical or plausible, Card plays into the emotional aspects of events and settings making the events seem realistic even if the reader, like myself, cannot explain how.  Historical facts are not the only way to portray an event and when an author is able to portray a setting emotionally whilst including mystics and making it believable.  proves a difficult task yet Card is able to do so

Card extends his believability beyond magical aspects.  As a final note, another aspect of Card's believability is his discretion in regards to the LDS elements.  As a Latter-Day Saint, I definitely saw correspondences between certain characters and certain events.  By using these shadowing, Card provides a new perspective for Latter-Day saints and perhaps a new forms and perspectives on truth for non Latter-Day saints.  By using a medium (magic and mystics) that is foreign to most, Card can place elements of truth that will appeal and touch a wide range of people and belief systems.

Collings, Michael R. In the Image of God: Theme, Characterization, and Landscape in the Fiction of Orson Scott Card. New York: Greenwood, 1990. Print.