This is not complete. I was having a serious case of writers block and have no idea where to go with this soooo any input would be wonderful!
Friendship is like a
fart. If you have to force it it’s probably crap. It was one of those
friendships that just happened and even looking back you have no idea where it
started. It starts out as an idea and slowly you’re better friends than you
ever thought possible.
This instant connection brought out the best in both of us. “We’re
just friends” we would insist when people asked us if we were dating. And we
were. It was simple, it was fun. It was friendship in its truest form. I had
just graduated and he was only a Junior but despite the age difference we spent
every spare moment together, driving to the beach, taking random pictures and having
some of the greatest adventures I’ll ever remember.
He would always tell me “it’s a good day to be good” and
slowly that became my slogan. Through every bad day and every frustration I was
reminded of those words. Then the day came that we decided that our friendship
wasn't helping either of us. That maybe we were headed on different paths. That
slogan was never so hard to remember.
“I just feel like you
don’t care” I had exclaimed in a fit of emotion in the car one day before
bursting into tears. His eyes, confused, like a deer in the headlights as I
continued to cry.
“I think it’ll just take time” he replied after what seemed
like an eternity. I nodded, not knowing what I had expected. The tears stopped and
the loneliness started to sink its way into my heart. I knelt next to my bed
that night and began crying even harder than I had earlier that day. I felt a
peace that night. I knew it was going to work out.
But life continued.
Me being graduated and his still being in high school made
our lives slowly grew apart. Our friendship started falling through the cracks
and we either didn't mind or forgot how to care. I slowly felt the loneliness
sink back in. I was immobilized. Unable to socialize in any basic form. I felt
crippled by the disease of graduation and stuck in a middle ground between high
school and college. I was losing my best friend. What was supposed to be a
semester break turned out to be a personal torment that filled every inch of my
body. Waking up every morning and feeling cold down to my bones. An aching
amplified by what felt like the loss of my friend.
I turned to the Lord, searching the scriptures and praying,
in hope of an answer, anything to cure the ache of loneliness that I felt every
night in bed. Slowly he became my best friend, a comfort in the chaos that was
my mind. Every scripture, a text message
from prophets of old to guide. Every prayer, a personal voicemail to my
Heavenly Father. They brought comfort. I was filled with a desire to serve, a
desire to share what love I was feeling from my wonderful best friend in
heaven, my Heavenly Father.
I really like how you started off your first draft pretty loose and then you went deeper into what you really wanted to talk about. I would use more detail/description when talking about the certain situations you mentioned so we can feel like we're there with you. Also I enjoyed the ending of how you related it back to building that relationship with Christ.
ReplyDeleteI think the biggest thing I would work on is your consistency of tone. It is good to have funny moments, but if there's only one at the beginning it can feel kind of disconnected. I really like the subject of the story, but I felt that as the reader I didn't fully understand what was going on, so I would add more detail to clarify that for the reader. I did really like the religious connection that you used, I felt that it was a really concrete connection.
ReplyDelete