this is what defines me.

Inner Struggle:
I've always had an achilles tendon. Each year it changes.
However, I'm unashamed at my devote love and addiction to this very thing.

And because of the achilles tendon I have, I can justify save I am my grandmothers granddaughter.
She's only taught me the best of lessons. When I was 14, she taught me about what it means to be a lady. She taught me to love pearls, colors and curls. And to never wear black. Those are still the living lessons of my grandmother.

She's taught me another lesson. To laugh. With 12 children, she learned to laugh more than cry.

Now, my true inner struggle. The one that was passed down heretically is the love affair for....chocolate.

Chocolate, a sure and sweet substance that has found its part in my life.
Its provided comfort to a weak soul. Its left me satisfied and happy to add to already happy days, and its supplied me through the constant ups and downs of life.
My inner struggle is chocolate.
So when I decided to go a month without chocolate. I realized how much it was apart of me.
This is who I am.

Yes, I am your average girl who has deep and devote love affair...with chocolate.

Scripture:
The sun sneaked in through the wooden slats covering the window. Eyes open, back flat, sheets tossed to one side. I was becoming conscious enough of the inevitable back pain from the ancient dirty mattresses that we were forced to sleep on. I wondered if the floor was more comfortable.  I waited in peace before the phone alarm ring tone would make its mark and start our day. Yippee, another day in this country I grumbled so unwillingly in my head.

I flopped out of bed. Glancing over my shoulder to see my companion do the same. I prayed. I did not want to be there. But I pretended that I did. We were robots, passing through our normal morning routine. Prayers. Excercies. Showers and breakfast. It was normal. We went through our hours of studies just as usual--everything was too normal. As soon as it was 11:00 am, I smiled in my heart, it was time I could be alone again for that last hour before we went and talked with the world.

I clenched my Spanish Book of Mormon, walked to my bed, and sat down. I read. And read some more. I had read the Book of Mormon over ten times in English, yet, now I was reading lines and words and characters that I did not understand. I did not love this book. It wasn't my book yet.

The Patagonia. Where I served my mission. The southern half of Argentina

I slammed it shut. My heart's frustration began leaking through my eyes. I let my head fall back on my pillow. I looked at my watch. It was 11:23 am. But what I really saw was a time clock telling me 11 more months as a missionary.

My vision blurred and eyes wet, I looked up at the wall. Perfectly hung by scotch tape on all four courners was a painting of Joseph Smith's first vision ripped out of the latest Ensign. Time stop. In this instant I knew everything was true. Yes, even the book that I held in my hands that I didnt understand. God taught me something. Actually, He let me feel His love that morning and a reminder to His daughter in the small town in the middle of Argentina that He was aware of her needs. That was my life changing morning.

Wilderness quest:
Most mornings I leave my bed unmade,
dishes in the sink,
laundry to be done,
a to-do list that seems longer than the hours in the day will allow,
as I strap a heavy backpack on, and zip up the back of my boots.

I'm off for a day of independent life.
On these mornings, I take the walk to school.
Those 15 minutes that are just mine.
Well, you might think I walk alone if you saw me there on the side of the road, passing trees, and different apartment complexes. But I don't walk alone.
This is the time I walk with my Heavenly Father.
"My noonday walks He will attend..." (Hymn 109)

Thoughts and ideas begin to flow---promptings of people to visit and things to do.
Its also the time I realize all that I have to be thankful for--the beautiful scenery is always the first topic. 

In these moments--uninterrupted--I place my heart on the altar.
I recognize there is no way I can do all that I need to without His divine help.
School work, church callings, family and friend relationships, temple attendance, cleaning, homework, grading papers, personal scripture study, visiting teaching, exercising, taking care of myself, and the list never ends.

As I place each part of my life on the altar, I know that He helps me recognize what is most important right now--and helps me work on that.

My prayer is an offering. And honestly, everything I tell my Heavenly Father in prayer, He already knows. I am never going to tell Him something new, nor will I ever counsel Him. So why pray?

Its not teach God anything, but it is a humble meek invitation for God to teach me something. 

What I place upon the altar before the Lord, I know He will help me. He has and He will. With more faith--I want to do what He would have me do today.