Scripture: As a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I drew as much spiritual strength personally from the gospel as I was required to help others to gain. With a whole new world to confront and limited experience from my life before the mission, I set out to face opposition in all of its many forms, often without knowing what to expect or how to interpret my experience. At times when I struggled with new and difficult experiences or couldn't understand what was happening in my life, it helped me to come back to verse 17 of 1 Nephi chapter eleven. When asked about God and his interactions with mankind Nephi says, "I know that he liveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." Sometimes just remembering that God loves me helps me to feel more able to trust Him and His plan for my life. In a human existence so full of trials and disappointments sometimes that's all there is to fall back on. And I'm grateful for that.
Inner Struggle: He said we'd been blessed with the medicine of this time. His words had seemed so confident and unwavering, descriptions that didn’t apply to me at this moment. Didn’t ever apply. I was never really sure how I felt or what it all meant for me. All I really knew is that I was broken. I had been broken. Could doing this really be a blessing God intended for my life? It all seemed so drastic. So suddenly I'd been faced with the harsh reality of a condition I'd never even dreamed myself to be a victim of. Seven weeks of Red-level stress overload. And the aftermath of it all. Sudden change, phone calls home, and an overwhelming sense of failure. I hadn't lived up to it. Didn't have what it took. And now face the decision. To take my president's advice, or just keep going forward. Wherever that might be.