Scriptures in your heart, Wind at your back

An Inner Struggle:

Forgiving as Jesus taught, 70 times 7, is not as easy as it sounds. I myself have sinned, many times. I am buried down by the sorrow and pain that comes from sin. When I sin, I am no longer free, but I am bound. I beg for forgiveness from my Savior, from those whom I have wronged against and I hope for their forgiveness. I want to be free from the sin and from the guilt. I want to be free from the anguish that holds me. And more than 70 times 7 have I been forgiven of my sins. But the most recent sin, and inner battle that I am constantly struggling with, is not forgiving others myself. I have been wronged and betrayed by people close to me. The pain and anguish comes back from the actions done towards me. But there is an added pain and anguish when I do not forgive. And I am bound once again. I have found myself pouring over the scriptures, the Ensign, bible videos, and books on forgiveness to gain knowledge and power from my Savior. I read of His example, I hear His words echoing in my mind. Christ teaches that we will be held accountable for not forgiving. We will be under greater condemnation. And the judgment of God will be upon us. If I so desperately want to be forgiven, shouldn’t I just as passionately forgive all who sin against me? The answer is yes, and it is 70 times 7. 

Scripture, Personal, and Powerful

D&C 64:10 “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.”

Unto me it is required to forgive all men. I do not need to worry about who the Lord is forgiving and why. The Lord is all-knowing, and all-powerful. Do I dare mock God and view myself as greater than the dust of the earth? I have no authority to judge, let alone not to forgive. I am required to forgive all men—I am commanded to forgive all men, no matter how great or small their trespasses are. This scripture in D&C 64 is accompanied by so many others alike, which call me to repent. I am no better than they who sin, for I myself am I sinner. If I were there as Jesus wrote in the sand while bystanders waited to stone a woman caught in adultery, I would have heard those words too. “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” (John 8:7). I am not without sin; I am not able to judge. Only He who is without sin, who is unspotted from the world, can judge. And He is greater than me; He is the way for me to repent. He will forgive whom He will forgive, but I, I must forgive all men. The scriptures have taught me; and by reading over these words again and again, the battle inside of me is lessened, my heart is softened and changed, and I am able to forgive.

A Wilderness Quest

I have had my fair share of girls camp hikes with scriptures packed along so that we can rest on a cold, wet, hard rock and read from my scriptures for a bit. I have sat there uncomfortably trying to gain insight. At times I have had special moments as I sat in the beautiful surroundings of nature, but other times my mind was somewhere else, not willing to delve into the scriptures. But I have found that daily scripture study allows for you to take the scriptures with you, with out the burden of carrying them in your pack—you just carry them in your heart and in your mind. Recently as I have pondered the scripture above, and others like unto it, I been able to carry them with me constantly. And as I went zipping by on my bike on my way to class, I was able to call these words to memory as I felt the cool breeze blow the hair out of my face. I was able to reflect on those words and have a greater desire to continue to forgive. The breeze not only lifted the hair off of my shoulders, but it helped to lift the burdens I was carrying too. The wind enveloped me in a hug once I was free from the burdens, I was able to pedal along free, light, and with the wind now pushing me along my path, helping me and guiding me. The scriptures in my mind lightened me, and the wind (of the wilderness on campus) did the rest. 

-Lizzy S.