So, unfortunately, this round of feedback was pretty much a fail for me. I posted two different short essays (one from devotional writing, and the other was the imitation essay I used for feedback round one). The devotional essays I posted just cause I wanted some feedback. I asked a specific person I thought would enjoy the content to give me feedback. No response. For the imitation essay, I asked someone I'm only just getting to know who commented in the first round of feedback. She said,
"Natalie, your words are so beautiful as always. And your specific example of your younger siblings were so emotion-provoking that I wanted to reject them. I hated that I could relate to it. (All these are because your writing is so good, btw.) One thing that made me confused a bit (until I had read the whole thing and then started over again) was that you used "loneliness" as the answer/topic, the first two paragraphs making the readers guess what you're talking about, but then you go into talking very specifically about your younger siblings, not just a general loneliness. I felt like there were sentences that were referring to general loneliness that everyone feels, but there were paragraphs that were specifically about your siblings. " It's loneliness, and I am really good at it." is such a bold one-sentence paragraph but it doesn't mention your siblings at all. So I'm still not 100% sure if you want the whole essay to be pointing to your siblings or not. I'm not sure if this makes sense to you. Maybe this was just me. But I still really loved how your words put images in my head and made me feel the love you have for your siblings. (also, sorry this is super long. I'm not very good at explaining myself.)"
I decided to revise by adding a short paragraph and one sentence that more quickly and definitively introduced the familial, if not sibling, concept sooner. I hope this will make up for the general tone of loneliness suddenly shifting into the specific sibling examples. I'm not sure though, because she hasn't responded. The revisions were fun, especially because they were feedback specific. It helped me feel like I was improving. But further feedback eventually would be swell also.