He Is There

An Inner Struggle:
I stared at the six pieces of paper in front of me. I was sitting at my kitchen table, surrounded by the yellow glow that our kitchen light gives off at eleven o'clock at night. I stared with empty eyes at the papers, knowing I had to pick one. I had been given a few months to make this decision and time was coming to a close. Constantly this question had been on my mind, praying more each day at which decision would be best. But I felt that no answer had come.
I looked at each paper, all of them saying that I had been accepted to their university, and I knew that I had a big decision ahead of me. I had always wanted to go to Brigham Young University, which was the first letter of acceptance I had laid down. Then it was Dixie State, University of Utah, Southern Utah University, Utah State, and BYU-Idaho. I had been given tours of each school, but nothing screamed "This is the place!" Fortunately, on a few of the tours, I got a feeling that I shouldn't go to that particular college. Remembering those experiences, I pushed Utah State University's and BYU-Idaho's papers off to the side. I was still left with four choices.
No matter how many times I had prayed, there seemed to be no concrete answer. The choice was mine. I knew that what was in store for me depended solely upon which college I chose. Maybe my yearning so badly for BYU had blocked out any help that I could have received by not accepting any other answer. The anxiety raged through me. Should I go where my sister's family wants me to go? Should I follow my sister's path at a different college? Should I go where my parents want me to go? Should I avoid BYU because that's where my brother doesn't want me to go? Should I go where all of my friends are going? Should I stay as close as possible to my family? Where will I be able to learn the most? Where would be the best experience for me?

Scripture:
It was December and I was in eighth grade. It was almost Christmas, and my mom and I had driven to Layton to do some quick Christmas shopping. I had just put my seatbelt on as we drove out of the parking lot. I don't remember why, but I had been playing with my seatbelt, seeing how it locked if you jerked forward really fast.
We turned left at the stoplight into another lane that had just stopped at their stoplight. As we sat at the light for a few seconds, out of nowhere I felt my seatbelt lock against my body as I involuntarily jerked forward. I screamed as I realized we had just gotten ran into by a fast moving truck. The guy behind us got out, looked at our car, looked at his truck, and started screaming swear words while kicking his tires. I remember hearing the panic in her voice as my mom said, "Tori, don't get out of the car. We're okay." Instantly, there was a cop on the scene, as the drunk driver of the truck had just swerved to miss the police officer's car and ran into ours.
I was inconsolable for about an hour after the accident. The kind officer spoke to me in a calm voice, but nothing could help me.
Before my mom and I left the scene after we were cleared to do so, she pulled off into a parking lot to have a prayer with me. Before we got going, I pulled out my iPod that had my scriptures in it. I randomly chose a scripture, and I came across John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." I needed that scripture to help me in that time. It helped me feel peace in a terrifying time; providing a comfort that I gave me strength I could not have received in any other way.

Wilderness Quest:
I drove in silence one night this past summer. I needed time away from everyone. My phone was tossed in the back so no one could get ahold of me. Everything was just too overwhelming, and I just needed to be alone for once. I drove all over town, and found myself at an LDS (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latte-Day Saints) church. It was almost ten o'clock, and I didn't even care how long I was out, as long as I finally told everything to Heavenly Father. I vented in the back of that parking lot for two hours, crying, begging, grasping for understanding. I just needed hope.
It was there, in those two hours, that I finally felt like someone was on my side. I felt like someone was there cheering for me. I knew everything was going to be okay. I heard answers in my thoughts. I knew we were considering all of the possibilities together.
I gained a deeper understanding and appreciation of God that night. We drew closer, and I gained a better testimony of Him. I'm grateful for that drive and that conversation through the wilderness that night, because of the change that happened in me through Him.




I parked at a church much like this one on a late summer's night.