From Siri to Sunsets

Thank you for the recap of the class, it was very helpful.

I.               Inner Struggle

The hairs around my face were doing their post-run, post-shower “I want to be the lion king” thing as I raced down the stairs of my apartment complex to my car. This was the first time I’d ever be at his home, his real house not his apartment. ‘Stop, you’re just friends,’ I reminded myself, ‘you’re only going because he won’t bring your bowl back.’

The bowl was white pottery from Portugal that I always baked with; I’d taken him homemade whipped cream and peaches a few weeks ago.

My arms were shaking as I gripped the wheel, eager to see his house but nervous about what it meant that he’d finally invited me there. Bess, my car, climbed the mountain slowly. There weren’t any other cars around that night, which I appreciated because Siri was two streets behind and I kept missing turns.

I got to the final hill when I heard the Spirit in my mind: “Don’t go.”

It took a moment to process this.

“I want my bowl,” I said out loud.

“Turn around,” was the mental reply.

This unsettled me. What would happen if I went? Why couldn’t I go? I had already told him I was on my way and it would be really weird if I bailed.

My phone buzzed.

“Text me when you’re here.”

I made my choice.

II.             Scripture, Personal and Powerful

The summer before I moved to Utah to attend college, I was a teacher in the adult women’s session of our church classes. I felt very out of place because I was a naïve 18-year-old trying to teach lessons to grown women. I had no children, no husband, and no sense of what Relief Society, as the class and organization are called, even is.

Ashley, the president of the class, called me one day and asked me to come with her to visit her best friend Rachel’s house. She said she would bake treats and asked me to come with something that would brighten her friend’s day.

We entered Rachel’s house together and I was greeted by a darling little brown-eyed boy who attached himself to my leg and then peeked out from behind the kitchen wall during our visit. Her house was modest: a college apartment at the University of Illinois with minimal furniture and a lot of loose toys.

I was awed by the sense of love this woman showed me and everyone in her home. Her children adored her, and Ashley admitted in the car after that she came to Rachel both to deliver the treats and to be uplifted by her warmth.

I’d forgotten this experience until I was reading last spring in my favorite book in the Bible, 1 John, when I came across this scripture in chapter four:

“And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.” -1 John 4:16

I felt God in Rachel’s house, and I felt God in Rachel.

III.           Wilderness Experience

"Where are you going?" he asked one night when we were studying in our office.

"I need to see the sunset," I said.

"Why?"

"It's my thing, I'll be right back."

I look at the sunset every day. If I'm buried in the bowels of the library, I google what time I need to take a break and go outside. If I'm on a date, I do my best to encourage a walk outside as one of the evening's activities. If I have free time, I drive up to my secret spot behind the Provo temple or hike the Y to get the best view. Sunsets are one of my love languages with Heavenly Father. While I know they're not meant just for me, every time I see one I am reminded of His infinite love for each of us.