Sharing our Humanity

The ten living Hart siblings

I first fell in love with personal essays when I read Tessa Santiago's "Take, Eat" essay for a creative writing class. I couldn't believe how perfectly she articulated some of my deepest, rawest feelings that I didn't even know how to explain to myself. Since then, I've been very open to personal essays because I understand that even the dullest of subjects can be made alive when we here the personal feelings and stories behind them.

When watching the introductions to the personal essays, the students had varying degrees of confidence and articulation. Some of the personal essays didn't seem as interesting as others might because their preview wasn't as polished. Other people had seemingly "deeper" issues they were dealing with. For example, an essay on being part of an abusive relationship seemed much more intriguing than some of the essays on serving full-time missions.

However, because of the good taste in my mouth regarding this genre I was able to see passed the imperfections of some student's stage presence or the seemingly less important topics. Even though I know hundreds of people serving a mission, I know that everyone's experience is unique and powerful, and so there essays would be as well. Perhaps if video introductions focused on the more unique parts of their essays, viewers would be more willing to give them a chance. That being said, I think it's hard to sum up raw feeling, so a video form may never be a perfect way to introduce a personal essay.

I enjoyed an essay entitled "Finding Sweet amongst Bitter" about a girl who was embarrassed over her large family. I am the youngest of 13 and I loved my family more than anything growing up. I was never embarrassed. Now that I'm older, I appreciate my family even more, but sometimes the improper comments of others make me a little embarrassed for a moment. And of course, that makes me feel ashamed because the TWELVE other siblings in my family, the TEN IN-LAWS, and the TWENTY-NINE grandkids are more important than one snobby comment. I appreciated sharing some common ground with a stranger through her personal essay.

It's All About Connecting

     As I watched the videos introducing each individual’s personal essay/blog, I noticed the things that made for a more effective video. I think that the one’s that capture the most interest are the ones that seem the most sincere and filled with raw emotion. Also, the ones that gave the shortest explanation didn’t give enough detail to hold my attention, so a good introductory video were the ones that gave enough detail about their essay, but who didn't go into the specifics.

     As for the essays that I read, they were “Nine Days Difference,” “A Temporal Death,” “Hooked,” “God Blessed the Broken Road,” and “La Ultima Pieza del Rompecabezas.” I chose to read these based on my interest and intrigue from the videos. They were all interesting and engaging, but I especially liked “La Ultima Pieza del Rompecabeza” and “Nine Days Difference” because they both included three things that I personally think are important in writing an effective personal essay that the audience can connect to. Those three things are detail, genuine, raw emotion, and relatable content. I love the use of language in “La Ultima Pieza del Rompecabeza” and how she describes little things like the weather or her dripping, wet hair. She uses just the right words to convey the emotions she felt during her experience, and there were things that she included, like her relationship with her mother, that I can relate to. The essay 's“Nine Days of Difference” raw and honest emotion is what speaks to the audience and what makes her relating her experience effective.

      These three things: raw emotion, detail, and relatable content, is what I want to focus on having in my personal essay, along with other things, so that the reader can have a real connection with the story. I also really think that relating a personal essay in the form of a blog is good because it makes it all the more personal for both the writer and the reader.  

Hermetic Pragmatism

In each of these essays, the authors talked about problems they had faced, and then how their spiritual life allowed them to grapple with those problems. The problems were all problems of solitude, and the difficulty of being an individual among the masses, and the solutions were all hopeful—if the authors didn’t learn some new nugget of knowledge, then at least they ended the essay with the hope that they could learn something. These characteristics, solitude and wisdom, imbued each of the essays with a hermetic pragmatism, although I think such would be true of any essay by an American young adult. It is an inheritance of Wordsworth and Montaigne more than it is of the Mormon tradition. In writing my essay, I might enjoy breaking from this tradition, though as yet I don’t have a clue how I would do so.

Four of the five essays I read used a linear narrative to tell their stories, usually following the Freitag triangle: exposition, rising action, climax, and resolution. However, “L.A. Lost and Found,” by Elijah Broadbent, used an inventive spin in its composition: his essay was a series of vignettes which illustrated glimpses of Broadbent’s mission. In writing my essay I would like to try something non-linear, perhaps with a reverse or reorganized linearity, to give the essay some gravity and intrigue.

Different Forms, Different Effects?

Something about personal essays makes them my favorite literary outlet.  I noticed that out of the five personal essays I read dealt with similar topics including loss, missionary lessons and difficult situations.  However, though similar topics, each was told in a completely different way.  Some focused on describing the emotions felt, some described one specific moment, others told a story.  I especially enjoyed the essays that did describe a moment yet did so with specific detail and emotion that it was able to fill an entire essay.  I think that is an especially moving way to write an essay and perhaps an aspect I would like to incorporate into my own essay.  Another aspect of some of the essays was their different perspective on situations.  Though multiple talked of grief, each provided a perspective I had never considered before.  By doing so, I found myself relating to stories and situations I have never experienced myself something I desire to accomplish in my own writing.

The form of a video proceeding the essay was an interesting introduction.  Though I liked the idea of an introduction, many of the videos seemed too long.  I enjoyed the shorter videos because they gave an inkling into the subject and sparks enough interest to read the essay but does not completely give away everything.  Some of the videos seem to give the essence of the whole essay and I was left with a small desire to read what they had written.  After reading a few essays that had longer essays, the essays were still great but I think the initial interest is important in introducing an essay so I appreciated the shorter videos.  However, though I have said opinion, the video form gave an opportunity for the writers to verbally express their essays and invite others to read.  

As for the blogging form in regards to a personal essay, I can't say I felt much different reading the essay on a blog as compared to in a compilation on paper.  I think the difference simply is that the blog makes an essay more accessible and easily shared which can definitely be a plus.  Overall, I appreciated the blog form but it didn't affect my reading of the essay.

this is not for you.

The essays I read were: Hooked, about being in an abusive relationship; From City to City, moving across country and being the ‘new kid’; It’s a Good Day to be Good, about creating long-lasting friendships in the gospel; Not the Biological Mother, about the love the author has for a child she works with; and Elephant in the Front Yard, a missionary coping with a difficult hardship.

From what I read, the deepest, most creative, and moving essays that I read was Hooked, the one about an abusive relationship. Not only was I able to personally relate to her content, the way she wrote, the way she sewed her ideas together was beautiful and intentional. It was refreshingly raw and open, as though she was unafraid to expose this life experience with the world. I found it very brave and inspiring. Another essay I particularly enjoyed was the Elephant in the Front Yard, not so much for the content, but the way the author presented the content. It was simple, also seemed very intentional, and well thought out. It was obvious he was not writing about the event that caused the get-together, but the coping mechanisms he was observing from others and ones he was trying to find within himself. I appreciated the author’s honesty in Not the Biological Mother, as she maneuvers through the relationship she has with this sweet kindergarten boy, Herber. The way the author of From City to City repeats certain parts of his story for creative emphasis and the way he describes his feelings of moving across country are very deliberate and his style of writing in this essay is memorable. In It’s Good to be Good, I appreciated her expressions of gratitude and how that really became the focus of her essay.

Lessons Learned

Reading these essays was interesting for me. I liked how the students covered a wide range of topics and that they each handled their topics differently. I noticed that a lot of students picked similar topics (such as losing a loved one or mission experiences) yet they were each able to put their own unique spin on things that made them fun to read.

After reading these essays I have gained a few ideas for topics that I can also explore. Some of these topics include personal loss and the healing the Gospel can bring after death, struggles with difficult roommates, finding peace in writing, and family experiences that teach about the importance of eternal families.

As I watched the intros and read some of the essays I learned a couple things I hope to apply to my own personal essay. First, with the video intros, I learned that the shorter videos tended to grab my attention more than the longer ones. To be able to summarize the main idea of an essay in a succinct way pulls in your audience more quickly than a long, drawn out introduction.

Next I learned from the essays that the incorporation of different scripture examples and stories needs to be done very carefully. Some of the essays incorporated stories extremely well, using them to add to their personal experiences. However, in some of the essays the scriptural allusions felt like after thoughts and too much of a stretch to connect to. I'm not saying don't add scriptural allusions, I'm just saying be mindful of how you're doing it and make sure it's done tastefully.

Finally I learned that stories communicate a message more effectively than simply explaining a principle. Stories ground what you're trying to share and make it easier for the audience to understand. They also help the audience connect to the author personally which adds understanding to a piece.

Photo courtesy of pixabay.com (found through creative commons)

Adult Vulnerability

I took a creative writing class once with very interesting grading criteria. Within the rubric were many of the same things that you would find in a standard English class, but there was one interesting addition: we were to be graded on vulnerability.

Reading these essays, I was reminded of my own struggle with writing about subjects I felt uncomfortable with. Writing about those experiences, to me, meant reliving them to a certain extent; digging to find meaning that I didn’t always want to find. I felt a similar level of discomfort watching the video introductions to these essays. No one student stood out as overly comfortable presenting the content of their essay. Some chose to keep the introductions short (maybe because they were camera shy) while others had clearly rehearsed their presentation to include various highlights from their tales of insecurity and transformation. I chose to read some of the essays which touched on more vulnerable subjects. 

Reading the essays I selected gave me insight into how to effectively approach the topic of vulnerability. The most impressive account that I read was that of Mandy facer entitled “Hooked.” To be honest, I was originally drawn in by her willingness to write about a break up and a relationship that she considered emotionally abusive enough to label it as such. I have read account like this written by students before. It is a difficult thing to write an emotionally balanced account about a personal experience that has hurt us, and maybe we are not meant to approach something like that without a strong sense of bias, but I was very impressed with the clarity and precision of language used by Mandy in explaining her mental anguish over the course of her year and a half long relationship. Instead of feeling like a teenage account of a break up, there was real emotion and deep meaning to the words she wrote about her experience. I haven’t been through an experience like that in my life, but after reading her account, I can appreciate so much more the mental anguish of someone who has been through something similar.

Good writing can transform someone’s character and views. I hope in my writing to take something difficult to talk about and make it relatable to a more general audience.

Going Deeper

Photo courtesy of forumespirita.net (found through creative commons)

I quite enjoyed reading the personal essays from past students. Many of the students picked major life-changing events to write about, such as loss of loved ones, abuse, or serving a mission. These major events in our lives, whether they are positive or negative experiences, shape us into who we are today. It's interesting to see the impact a single event has made on us, but often we don't realize how much so until we re-experience it through writing or sharing the experience.

I believe it's so important for us to share what we learn from our experiences, but it can be really uncomfortable or awkward to do so. That is why writing can be such a great tool in sharing our experiences. As I watched the videos, I noticed that several students seemed to feel awkward, which was perhaps due to being camera-shy, but the subject of their topic could also have made them feel hesitant in sharing. I particularly liked one girl's video and essay, where she talked about attending the funerals of her grandmother and father only nine days apart. In her video, she explained that her essay contained a lot of raw emotion. In reading her essay, I found the raw emotion everywhere, but it was also interesting to note that the event occurred roughly 10 years ago. I think that writing her experience out helped her understand herself a little better, even though it wasn't a new experience. It felt very real to me and it is amazing how much readers can connect to authors that they have never met as they share times of growth.

Many of the personal essays took a story format, which I found very engaging. The essays that were more hypothetical ideas or not a specific story were harder to connect to, perhaps because they lacked imagery and the deep emotion of a personal experience that is often hidden under the surface. I found that the video introductions supported the essays by making them feel more personal, like a friend that wants to tell you a story that is very important to you. As for my personal essay, I would like to make sure that I can connect it to a larger audience. A personal essay should be inspiring and help people to want to experience things on a deeper level.

Impactful Because it is Written

Photo by Jason Devaun

The personal essay is always an experience. Writing style, writing ability, topic, authenticity, and image are always shifting depending on the person whose life you peek into. In reading some of the previous student's personal essays, I found many of them to be common stories of friends or loved ones passing away, mission stories, or best friends. Though this commonality made the stories less engaging or unique to me as a reader, I found that the actual experience and its impact was no less diminished. This difference was easy to see in the different formats through which the essay was presented.

In the video format, I found myself feeling an instant palpable insight into the life and person who was asking me to read the essay. I preferred essay intros that included a little about the essay, but were shorter and humble in the realization that the personal essay can be a very real vulnerability. Asking someone to read of your life and find it valuable is difficult, and I enjoyed those whose videos were real and less rehearsed. Within the blog format, I was much quicker to notice when the story became typical or explanatory, losing my interest because I couldn't see anyone in the story. As an artistic medium, I found that most of the stories didn't really move me or even impress me. But, importantly, they all still remained as proof of human emotion, human experience, and human truth.

One idea I enjoyed was the story of abuse. It was impactful because it took a circumstance that is traumatic and difficult to explain and filtered its rawness through an expressive medium. It leads me to believe that the best personal essay are not just impactful stories, but stories that are impactful because they were written. The best personal essays show emotion through color, images, sounds, tastes, sights, and smells, not by simply telling of events. Words can be powerful when we take an emotion and describe it in unique, often contrasting or even jarring terms and images that capture what we felt, not what we are supposed to feel. As I begin contemplating my own personal essay, I will have to look for experiences I have never tried to explain, or even understand; thus striving for truth and illumination through self discovery and not just meaningful occurrence.