(More) Bad News from the Middle East

I have a great friend I run almost everything by. In almost every way I look to him as my intellectual life coach, even though we are the same age. We lived together for years as roommates until he accepted a job working for a venture capital firm run by the government Amman, Jordan. To stay in touch with his native country and friends, my friend has developed some very strange ways of keeping in touch with us. From group texts with every variation of our friend group to starting to play Clash of Klans, it's starting to feel intrusive. He really tipped the scales when Google notified him of a blog post I had posted (still trying to understand the logistics of this) and he took it as an opportunity to see what I had been up to.

The way I found out about all of this was through a comment he left on my post: "Feeling targeted."

At first, my mind raced back over the lines I had written about my roommates to see if I had said anything deliberately cutting that he could have taken offense to. I was worried that this friend would be hurt by my jests about my roommates and their cleanliness and less than ideal habits. He didn't answer my first phone call, probably because of the different time zones in Utah and Amman, and I was left to my preoccupation. Was my work causing more harm than good?

When I finally got a hold of him, it turned out that he had just found the post to be very accurate of our friends and the time we all lived together. However, I had been thinking so much about offending others through writing that I asked him how far he felt was too far when writing about personal experience. We narrowed it down to a couple key points:

• Omit names. By not explicitly naming anyone, any offense can be avoided to a general audience. 
• Be honest while still not saying anything you would be embarrassed for someone else to read. This is the key issue, and it is both a challenge to be vulnerable in problem solving in real life as well as cautious in a literary approach. 
• Make sure to be self depreciating so that your reader can trust your complaints are not overly biased. 

We discussed other elements of the piece and laughed together, but this feedback and experience are things I will not easily forget. 

The Gospel is Great in a Really Hard Way

I'm a really big chicken, so I ended up having my husband give me my feedback, and I had him read the section on pregnancy in my Growing Up is Hard to Do post. In some ways this was maybe not as helpful as it could have been (Brad was, in fact, around during my entire pregnancy and delivery so he didn't really need to know more about any parts of the story), but I think it helped him delve deeper with his feedback in other ways.

He talked about my form. He'd like more of a story arc and better transitions from one day to another. He also said he wouldn't mind more commentary along with the story, which was interesting because I worry about being to tell-y usually.

Brad told me that he really liked "the voice inside my head" and the feelings I shared not in dialogue. Since voice is one of the biggest factors that makes someone enjoy or not enjoy writing, I took this as a good sign. :)

Lastly, Brad encouraged me to continue talking about hard topics and suffering. The gospel is good to us and makes our lives good in so many ways, but that sometimes stops us from exploring the hard parts of the gospel or from wishing to share the not-as-fun-things. But the trials can turn out to be some of our greatest ways to build others up in the gospels. After reading my post Brad said, "sometimes our trials or not just for us."

Sharing is Caring

On Sunday, I drove home to Layton to visit my family for a few hours so I shared my three posts about an inner struggle, a scripture, and an experience in nature with my parents while I was there. It was really interesting to share these posts with them. It felt kind of awkward to share the posts in person because they were so personal. I know that they are posted on the Internet, but it's very different to know that people can theoretically read them versus watching people reading them haha. Anyways, it was still a really good experience to have people that I know so well read my work. I didn't give my parents any prep or warning about the topics, so they were pretty surprised to read the story about when I found out that my youngest brother was diagnosed with cancer. They said that the emotion of the stories drew them in and made them want to read more. (My dad actually cried a bit, which is flattering.)

I loved that sharing my stories with my family led us into other discussions. My dad and I talked about our mission experiences and how we both can connect to nature. We also talked about how important it is that we have the courage to share our experiences, and especially our trials, with others so that they can be strengthened during their hard times.

Overall, I think that this was a really good experience. Sharing my stories helped me understand which topics others want to read more about and where I can improve in my writing.

Something Old, Something New

I have my own blog that I post on in phases. I started about two years ago and got in the habit of sharing my posts on Facebook so sharing on Facebook in this experience wasn't new for me. However, I had never asked for specific feedback let alone any feedback; I have always just posted and gotten "likes" and "That was great!". I chose to share my essay "The Helping Hand". When I asked for feedback this time around, I didn't get responses very quickly. I did get "likes" but it took a few days for anyone to respond as if they were wary of giving feedback or something. Thankfully Sunday night I finally received some feedback and the wondering what people thought was over. Here were some of my responses:

-Great imagery. I found the Egyptian princess analogy very entertaining. Very easy to follow and clearly written.

-I enjoyed this post because it is so relatable to us all. How many times are we guilty of rejecting the helping hands around us because of our own pride. I think it's important for us to remember that when we deny those around us the opportunity to help, we are denying them the opportunity of serving.

-I felt like I was with you every step of the way.  Your descriptions made your essay very relatable and realistic.
 

So what I gleaned from these responses is that my post was relatable and descriptive.  Though descriptive is an aspect of writing, only one person commented specifically on my writing.  I know there are aspects of this short essay that need polishing and revising yet no one seemed to suggest aspects to work on.  It made me wonder two things: These people are close to me so are they afraid of making suggestions in worries of offending me? I appreciate critical feedback so maybe next time I will specifically ask for suggestions.  Secondly, if their main comments were on my content and not my writing, which is more important: the way a story is told/written or the story itself?

At least someone can relate

So I shared my posts with my mom. Yeah, my mom. But here's the thing--my mom is a professional writer. I trust her literary opinion and advice a lot. And her response to my post "Working Alone" was probably more literary than the post itself. So I thought I'd share it with y'all.  :)

"I love being alone. Really. I think better, am less nervous, and get more done when there aren't people around. Libby was home from school sick all week, and even though she doesn't require much care, and even though I love her very much and I wouldn't trade the time snuggling and babying her, it put a cramp in my style. I got nothing done. And yes, I know that taking care of my baby (10-year-old) IS doing something. But still.  

 "The flip side: as I sat in a baptism today with my husband on the stand, I had this wave of sadness. I am tired of not sitting by him in church meetings. It's been going on 19 years now that I've been a "pulpit widow." Most of the time I don't think about it. And if I had to do another 19, I would. But I'd rather not. I miss him. I mean, I married him because I like being with him! 

 "So I could totally relate to the blog post 'Working Alone.' I loved the self-deprecating humor. I loved the specific details. I would have laughed out loud at the 'Ever After' reference if I hadn't been worried about the fact that you were crying. I want to know who James is. Like Megan (see comment section), I loved how all these seemingly unrelated details came together loosely under the theme of aloneness. And that although they came together, they weren't necessarily happily-ever-after resolved at the end. Or really resolved at all. Because the issue of being alone versus being with others never really is resolved. It is the eternal dichotomy. Isn't it interesting that salvation is an individual matter, but exhalation can't happen alone!?"

See? My mom is so cool. It was helpful for me to read her post because it helped me see what worked in my post. I was glad to know that someone had felt a connection to it, even if it was "just" my mom. 

Facebook Feedback

For this assignment I posted a link to my blog post, "Being an Aunt," on Facebook in hopes of getting a variety of responses. However, I didn't quite get the feedback I was expecting. Instead I got five likes and one comment. The interesting thing about the comment, though, is that it came from my own aunt. She wrote:

There is always a special connection between an aunt and her nieces and nephews. In my opinion, they are your children too. That bond was first created when I got to hold them as babies for the first time. I loved to play games with them while babysitting or in our downstairs' toy room during family gatherings at my house when I was younger. One of my favorite things is do is to talk/text them now they are older because I love to hear about their lives. I know them and will love them forever, just like you know and love Mckay. No matter how old he gets and wherever life takes you and him, he will always have a special place in your heart. I know because I think of my nieces and nephews often and love them with all if my heart.

It was interesting to hear my aunt's perspective on being an aunt. My aunt has been an aunt for most of her life, with her oldest niece now in her late twenties, so being an aunt has played a key role in her life experiences. I remember as a kid going to visit with her. We always did some of the coolest things when we were with her, like going to the nearby zoo or fun center.

Reading her view on being an aunt showed me that the feelings I have for my nephew are enjoyed and experienced by more than just me. It also showed me how much she cares for me, my siblings, and my cousins.

Even though I didn't receive any feedback on what I could improve with this post, I did gain some new ideas to think about as I revise and work on this post more.

Comments on "Falcon"

I have a very close friend who I go to anytime I need inspiration in my writing. She’s an exceptionally perceptive person, a strong critic, a helpful editor, and I trust her taste on all things literary. She is, more than anyone else I am lucky enough to associate with, my muse.

          For the sharing assignment, though, I went to her sister. I asked her to read my imitation essay, “Falcon,” and tell me her thoughts on it: what she liked, what she didn’t, and ways she thought I could improve the piece.

          After reading it, she sent me this text message:

Okay well I really like the concept—I went and read the original scripture from Alma. I think the falcon was a good choice. My only issue is that sometimes the Biblical phrasing and the contemporary ideas (like libraries, skyscrapers, photographs) didn’t mesh well. Parts of it read awkwardly. But overall, I enjoyed it!

          I really appreciate Tess’s comments. She immediately identified what I had not noticed, but what had been bothering me about the piece: moments of “awkwardness,” when the image and the language don’t quite seem to match up. She also validated what I hoped people would like in reading it, that thematically, Alma 29 and my imitation have a nice counterpoint, and that the falcon is a stirring image.

Sharing my work on Facebook

This definitely took some guts for me. I'm not one who has ever been really great at accepting praise, especially when that praise surrounds my abilities to speak and write. I don't know why but when someone says something I said or wrote touched them deeply or some such comment I get a knot in my stomach and my eyes feel twitchy. It's dumb, I don't know why it embarrasses me so much, but needless to say, it was hard to ask for feedback for fear of the compliments.

So I shared my imitation essay "Fill me with lonliness; Drink it as love" on Facebook and got quite a few responses back. Here are some comments I got back:

• This is lovely and painful all at the same time. It definitely resonates with me (and, probably, many of us). You have a fantastic writing voice that very effectively evokes images and emotions. The obviously deep emotion of this piece is wonderful and heart-wrenching. On a more technical note, there was one line that I had to re-read a few times to understand what you meant: "It feeds off of white noise making me state more obvious." Maybe you could re-work this phrasing to make it clearer? Otherwise, the writing was spot-on for me.

• "Pregnant with homework" was a bit jarring at first, but maybe you meant to do that. Lovely writing, though. The concept behind the title is profound and inspiring. Also, I covet your ability to express a lot in few words.

• Natalie, your words are so beautiful as always. And your specific example of your younger siblings were so emotion-provoking that I wanted to reject them. I hated that I could relate to it. (All these are because your writing is so good, btw.) One thing that made me confused a bit (until I had read the whole thing and then started over again) was that you used "loneliness" as the answer/topic, the first two paragraphs making the readers guess what you're talking about, but then you go into talking very specifically about your younger siblings, not just a general loneliness. I felt like there were sentences that were referring to general loneliness that everyone feels, but there were paragraphs that were specifically about your siblings. " It's loneliness, and I am really good at it." is such a bold one-sentence paragraph but it doesn't mention your siblings at all. So I'm still not 100% sure if you want the whole essay to be pointing to your siblings or not. I'm not sure if this makes sense to you. Maybe this was just me. But I still really loved how your words put images in my head and made me feel the love you have for your siblings.

I even got a comment with someone thinking I was pregnant because of the way I used the word in a description. Awkward . . . And finally, one of my favorite comments was a friend I had in high school who messaged me telling me that she was going to skip over my post but felt like she needed to go back and read it. She said she was glad she did, that she needed to know someone understood, and she thanked me for the opportunity to read it. She offered to read my work any other time and to just talk if I needed to. 

Yes, I found awkward phrasing, typos, confusing ideas, and even a too-narrowed focus with my general-to-sibling shift, but overall I found that my writing could touch people I had never expected to ever even read it. So embarrassed or not, that was pretty cool.