A God of Miracles

View the final version of this essay at Mormon Personal Essays

A God of Miracles

As I laid in the hotel bed that night, I thought about my mom, laying in the bed next to mine.  She had been acting suspiciously detached from the group all night.  I was beginning to get really concerned about her, because she is usually very active and engaged with those around her.  She is a certified elementary teacher, so she has to be.

I faded into sleep and began dreaming about mansions, museums, informative plaques, and our charter bus which had become our home away from home.

His Name is Aaron. Aaron Liljenquist.

I turned 19 at the beginning of this month.  My 19th birthday was supposed to be monumental because it signified a big, new opportunity in my life.  That day, October 4th, 2014, was my mission eligibility date.  For years I have been counting down to my 'papers submission eligibility date,' or 120 days before my true eligibility date.  I've known that I wanted to serve a mission since I was a young girl!  Serving a full-time mission, attending BYU Provo, and getting sealed for time and eternity to the man of my dreams were my three childhood dreams.  I never wanted anything else.  As I look back, though, I can see that I never really asked God if it was right for me to serve a mission.  I definitely had, (and have), the desire to serve a full-time mission, but I never asked God to know if it was right.  Nevertheless, after BYU's Winter 2014 semester, I returned home for the summer, prepared to begin shopping, learning, and saying goodbye before serving my mission.

Nothing could stop me.

However... and there always seems to be a 'however'... I soon realized that I had a major problem.

His name is Aaron.  Aaron Liljenquist.

I attended one Family Home Evening activity in my home branch - ONE - and I found him.  We had one week to begin developing our friendship before he moved to Utah for a summer internship.  We went on a few dates, enjoyed our time together, and went our separate ways, each of us regretting the fact that our friendship/relationship seemed to be so short-lived.  However... we continued talking and texting from two states away.  Our friendship blossomed.  After about a month, we discussed my mission plans.  We weren't dating exclusively; we didn't even live in the same state.  He was my best friend, though, and I knew I could trust him.  I was feeling a lot of anxiety about my desire to serve.  One day, I would feel very strongly that I HAD to serve, and now.  The next, I thought that it was the wrong time for me.  This internal struggle got so intense that I was changing my mind every few minutes, literally.  I was really struggling to find peace about either decision because I never settled on one for more than a couple of minutes.  I was praying and pondering and studying and reading about serving a mission.  I talked with my bishop, with my parents, and with my closest friend and confidants.  Everybody had a different opinion.  I turned to God, trying to receive the answer I wanted.  Isn't going on a mission a good thing?  Shouldn't everybody go on a mission?  I really wanted to go!  Why wasn't God letting me know that He was proud of and supported my decision??

One day, as I sat in the soft green rocking chair in my room, Aaron and I talked on the phone, he listened patiently to both sides of my internal argument.  I talked quickly and passionately.  He was the perfect soundboard for all my other thoughts and concerns.  Why not this important decision?  Unfortunately, he did not want to give his opinion or influence mine.  He played devil's advocate, listening and asking and advising.  I became very worked up about the situation.  I was frustrated, confused, and totally without a plan.

Then, suddenly, I had a perfect, pure silence and peace fill my mind and heart.

I literally had no thoughts, concerns, ideas, or struggles.

I KNEW, with complete surety, that I had my answer.  It was not in the form of words, or a plan, or anything else concrete.  Rather, it was just an absolute surety that I must step forward with faith.  That I would make the right choice.  That I should not go on a mission.  THIS was my answer.

Receiving my answer was not the end of my struggles, however.  Everybody already knew that I had decided to serve a mission.  Everybody expected me to go.  Once I received my answer, and eventually started dating Aaron, people began talking.  

They said, "She's not going because she's not worthy."  

"She's not going because they're secretly engaged."  

"She's not going because he talked her out of it."  

"She's not going because she is being a typical teenager."

These accusations were hard to hear.  I did wonder, at times, if I made the right choice, if I really received that answer, if I was being as stupid as the people around me made me feel.  Fortunately, I had the scriptures to turn to.  I really devoured the scriptures during this time.  I read conference talks about remembering and acting upon past spiritual promptings and experiences.  These scriptures, talks, and articles strengthened my resolve to follow my prompting.  One of my favorite set of scriptures in the Book of Mormon is 3 Nephi 18:11-24.  This section of 3 Nephi discusses so many beautiful and applicable topics: repentance, partaking of the Sacrament, listening to the Spirit, obedience, prayer, preparation, being an example, denying Satan and temptation, asking and receiving, familial unity (in prayer), and service.  I learned so much from my scripture study during this time.

I came back to school instead of turning in my mission papers, obviously.  I'll admit, it was strange to work in the MTC on my birthday instead of being a sister missionary there as I had originally planned.  

But, things worked out, as they always do.

And yes, I am still totally and completely head over heels about Aaron.  :)

Nephi and Jacob's Personal Experiences

Example #1:

In the end of 2 Nephi 33, Nephi gives a farewell to his people and his life.  He tells them that judge his works to not judge him, but to ask Christ if his words are true.  He is almost a little defensive as he speaks about the words he has been commanded to write.

Example #2:

At the beginning of the book of Jacob, in verses 1 through 4, Jacob describes what might have been a very emotional conversation between him and his brother Nephi.  They are discussing their obligation to write specific things on the small plates.  Nephi is giving specific instruction to his brother.

Example #3:

In Jacob chapter 2, he is compelled to chastise the people.  It is obvious that he is feeling very torn and upset about this obligation as he describes what he wishes he could be preaching.  This 'inner war' ends in his obedience to God's commandments when he says, "I must do according to the strict commands of God, and tell you concerning your wickedness and abominations..."

Reviewing a fellow student's blog post

Emily Lewis' post described her saying her last goodbyes to her family before departing to serve her mission.  Her experience reminds me of Nephi's farewell to his people in 2 Nephi 33.  Although Emily's time away from her loved ones was less permanent, it has the same feelings as Nephi's farewell and last words.

 

Josh Smith's post described a very emotional conversation between him and what seems to have been a serious girlfriend.  This reminds me of Nephi and Jacob's conversation about the fate of their people.  The things that were said in both of these conversations changed the lives of the people involved.

Romney Hansen's post described what seems to be an inner war.  He wrote, "I have to clench my fists in order to control myself... ‘Hold it in.  It’s not worth it.’"  In these words, I can see him fighting against what he wants to do because it is "not worth it."  This is similar to Jacob's feelings about chastising his people in Jacob 2.  Jacob finds himself torn between his will and God's will.

Heartache and Near-Death Scares

Physical Experience

• hotel room in Washington D.C.
• hotel bathroom
• dark night, halfway through our school trip
• Washington D.C
• long, empty hotel hallway
• charter bus
• museums in Washington D.C
• shiny wheelchair
• large museum/building lobby
• springtime in Washington D.C. (flowers, buds, beautiful)

Scenes

• the big lobby of the building we were touring, with beautiful stained glass and ornate decorations and paintings
• it was rainy and overcast
• spring was blossoming
• the charter bus had comfortable bench seats
• the missionaries and the bishop all had black suits on, and they were broad-shouldered

Speech

• my mom was talking frantically to my dad on the phone
• I spoke with the black lady at the end of the hall
• my mom got a blessing from the missionaries and local bishop
• the entire school group gave a spoken prayer on the bus for my mom
• many people gave words of comfort and hope
• Roxanne Lemos told us about her mom's story

Emotion in the Moment

• fear of the unknown
• anxiety about being alone and about my mom
• love for my mom and others around me
• faith, from many types of people
• worry
• lonesomeness
• nervous
• embarrassed about having the wheelchair
• selflessness
• concern for my family (who were still at home in California)

People of Consequence

• Mom!! beautiful, fun, well-organized, focused, smart
• overweight black lady in charge of school trip keeping watch outside their doors (like a counselor)
• two LDS missionaries from a local ward
• a local LDS bishop
• James Warwick's mom- graceful
• Brett Martin's mom- homely and down-to-earth
• Jacob's mom- caring. Hispanic
• Roxanne Lemos, our school tour guide- much like an adopted grandmother, knowledgeable 
• Mr. Smittee the bus driver- black, funny, kind, faith-filled
• Jacob- my closest friend, Hispanic

Carlos A Godoy: Making Plans and Decisions

Elder Carlos A. Godoy, a Brazilian member of the Seventy, spoke during the Sunday Afternoon session.  His talk was centered around each member's divine potential and how we can follow God's individual plan for us.  I decided to use this talk and one from General Conference October 2008 for my comparisons.

Elder Godoy's talk in 2008, entitled 'Testimony as a Process,' (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/testimony-as-a-process?lang=eng) was given in English.  It relayed that to receive the witness of the “still small voice” sometimes can have a stronger impact on our testimonies than the visit of an angel.  His talk last Saturday, entitled 'The Lord Has a Plan for Us!,' (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/the-lord-has-a-plan-for-us?lang=eng#watch=video) was spoken in Portuguese and dubbed over in English.  It asked each of us to ponder this question: If we continue to live as we are living, will the promised blessings be fulfilled?

As I listened to both talks, I realized the differences between them and began to better appreciate the literary aspect of them.  Because it was easier to listen to the 2008 talk, (because it was in English), I did not gain as much insight because I was less focused on his words.  He has a very thick accent so it was difficult for me to understand him at some points.  During his 2014 talk, though, I was intrigued by his native language, and had to listen and read more closely to understand him.  However, because he was dubbed over in English, no accent, I did not have to listen and comprehend nearly as much as before.

I also noticed that he had much more confidence and power to his words when he spoke in Portuguese.  His jokes were funnier because they were understood, and the Spirit during his testimony was stronger because you could hear his authentic, heartfelt tone as he solemnly bore testimony of truth.

This assignment helped me see and appreciate the differences between his speaking in English versus Portuguese.  I gained a lot of insight from both of his talks.  Did Godoy or any of the other foreign speakers strike you as unique during General Conference this year?

Chastisement

Section: 2 Nephi 27 - Jacob 4 (pages 126-147)
Spoken word:•    The Lord tells the house of Jacob to sanctify his name.  (127)  (divine command)•    Jacob preaches unto his brethren. (Jacob 2-4) (sermon)

Section analyzed:My section had a lot of Isaiah chapters speaking hypothetically to the people.  It was difficult to determine which dialogues were literal conversations versus which ones were not.  However, near the end of my section, in the Book of Jacob, the prophet Jacob chastised the wicked amongst his people. Analysis:

I decided to analyze Jacob's words to his brethren during chapters two through four of the Book of Jacob.  He chastised the people in order to magnify his calling.  His people were beginning to be sinful, so God commanded him to testify against the wickedness of their hearts.  He created a personal emotional connection with the people of Nephi when he explained that he would rather be praising them for their righteousness than correcting their sins.  This is an example of pathos in my section.  While chastening them, Jacob uses very strong tone and language.  An example of this is his use of the phrase "daggers placed to pierce their souls and wound their delicate mind."  This section reminds me of Mosiah 23: 21, "Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea he trieth their patience and their faith."  In your opinion, what is the purpose of this trial of faith, and how can we better take advantage of these experiences and apply them in our lives?

Effective and Inspiring Diction

When I was younger, I thought teaching and sharing the Gospel meant simply communicating (essentially, speaking) the doctrines and principles we believe to those around us.  I memorized the Articles of Faith and many of my favorite prophetic quotes and scripture verses.  I tried to share these bits of knowledge with my friends, but I did not have much success.  As I grew up, however, I started to realize that I needed to broaden my idea of communication to include personal testifying and heartfelt connections, not just rote memorization.  How does one effectively learn how to do this?

Instead of just reading the assigned speech by Jeffrey R. Holland, I decided to listen to the devotional while I read it.  I know that I tend to understand the content differently (and better) than if I just try to read, because I get distracted… 

One thing of literary rhetoric importance that really stuck out to me while I listened to President Holland’s speech from the 1988 BYU Devotional was his diction.  As he began his devotional, he set the mood for his serious topic by establishing a personal, private connection with his audience.  President Holland’s use of diction helps establish both ethos and pathos.  His tone, attitude, and dialect helped his listeners connect with him and realize how much he cares for them and his topic, sexual purity.

The definition of diction is, “the distinctive tone or tenor of an author’s writings… Diction is usually judged with reference to the prevailing standards of proper writing and speech and is seen as the mark of quality of the writing.” (http://literary-devices.com/content/diction)  When I read this, I realized that Holland’s diction and tone are a mark of the quality and importance of his words.  His style of speaking shines through in his writing, and leaves a distinct feeling of awe and respect towards Holland and his prophetic instruction.

I was very inspired by listening to this devotional.  I would strongly advise that everybody (and I mean EVERYBODY) listen to President Holland’s original audio of this BYU Devotional!!

Repetition from the Lord, 'wo, Wo, WO'!

1. Form Analyzed
I am going to focus my thoughts on language, specifically word choice.

2. Passage Analyzed
I decided to analyze 2 Nephi chapter 28 verses 15-16, including this excerpt:

"...Wo, wo, wo be unto them... for they shall be thrust down to hell!"

3. Annotated Text

4. Breakdown / Listing of things found:
The narrator's word choice is extremely bold and unique. The 'Lord God Almighty' uses the word 'wo' three times in a row, then one more time in the next sentence.

5. Interpretation: 
The use of words and phrases such as puffed up, thrust, revile, speedily, fully ripe, and tumble show the reader that the narrator has a sense of urgency. Some of these words are calls to action, and others are bringing forth that sense of urgency using brilliant and unusual descriptive words. The Lord's use of 'wo' three times in a row might mean that he is trying to get a point across in a very straight-forward way. It is hard to miss a triple warning!
6. Connections / Questions:
As I read other student's posts, I discovered that this is not the only time repetition and colorful language were recognized as being used in the Book of Mormon. In Elijah's post, Fiery Rhetoric- Jacob's Call to Repentance, he also found repetitive ideas and words. Why do you think we, as a people, continually forget the prophets' advice and warnings?

Pure and Simple Testimony

       Growing up in the LDS church, I have been given many opportunities to be the speaker and a listener in religious settings.  Some of these include attending EFY, serving in the Nauvoo Pageant and the play Savior of the World, going to youth conferences and girls’ camp, and attending mission transfer meetings, Sacrament meetings, and General, Stake, and Regional conferences.  It is hard for me to narrow down my experiences with ‘Mormon Oratory’ to the few most important and influential ones.  A few, however, stand out clearly in my mind and were written about in my journal so I could be reminded of their impact on me. 

       Over this last summer, I went on splits with the local missionaries a lot.  I quickly became good friends with the missionaries, local converts and investigators, and other member missionaries through the spiritual experiences we had together.  One day, near the beginning of the summer, I was very nervous about participating in the first discussion with a new convert.  I didn’t know the missionaries or the young man teaching with them very well, and I had never met the convert.  During the discussion, the missionaries asked Aaron to share a personal, spiritual experience.  He agreed.  As I sat in Cecilia’s dimly-lit home, listening to Aaron’s sincere story and testimony, I was touched and inspired in a unique way.  He shared his story in a very personal way, as if he was talking just to me.  The way he spoke was informal, but educated, so I almost felt as if we were in a casual conversation.  I felt that I could trust him, and that he spoke nothing but the pure and simple truth. 

       Another time when I was touched in a similar way was during a large missionary transfer meeting.  Our mission president and his wife were being released, so we were given the opportunity to hear their testimonies along with all the other departing missionaries.  The form of this meeting was new to me.  One missionary after another got up to the podium and bore their sure and simple testimonies about the truth of Gospel doctrine.  I had never heard such short and direct testimonies!  I knew by the end of that special meeting that my testimony had grown, along with the converts and investigators that were in attendance, because of the unique way we were able to hear others’ testimonies.

Higher Education

What do most people think of when they hear people discussing the matter of higher education?  Likely college, undergraduate and graduate studies, and possibly PhD or Masters’ programs.  However, when Orson Whitney referenced Doctrine and Covenants 88:118 in his speech Home Literature, I automatically thought of the divine higher education that is taught in the House of the Lord and through other means.  What do temporal and spiritual learning have in common, and how can we use one to aid the other?

Nephi Anderson’s novel Added Upon discusses the knowledge we gained while still living in the premortal life.  The narrator talked about how the experiences we had in heaven were “wholly within the compass of spiritual life” and how we must “become acquainted with the existence of properties, laws, and organization of matter” other than those we knew as spiritual beings.  This concept made me think about what I need to be learning of temporal importance while on this earth, and how I can use my spiritual knowledge to further advance my education.

After pondering this topic for some time, I came to the conclusion that my desire is to obey God’s every command, which specifically includes D&C 88:118.  Through Joseph Smith, God instructed us to “Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.”  Through obeying this commandment, we can fulfil the mission which we were sent here to complete.  Whitney defines it as such, “to draw all men unto Christ by means of knowledge, wisdom and learning revealed from heaven and recorded in the best of books.”

Through these teachings, I know we can fulfil this mission and obey God’s commandments to educate ourselves and those around us in the temporal and spiritual things of the world, as taught in Nephi Andersons’s Added Upon and Orson Whitney’s Home Literature.

Serving in Nauvoo

My family has had the amazing opportunity to participate in several church-sponsored plays and pageants.  One of these was the Nauvoo Pageant.  As the pageant website describes, “the pageant emphasizes the prophetic mission of Joseph Smith and honors the sacrifice, faith and courage of the Saints who gave their all to build a city and a temple to their God.”  As a member of the pageant cast, my entire family was set apart as part-time missionaries of the church.  My family served in this capacity two summers in a row, and my life was richly blessed and enhanced by the things I learned and felt during those months.  We were able to use the stories of early pioneers in church history to connect with audience members from around the world.  The pageant connects with its cast and audience using authentic hymns and folksongs, lively dances, and true personal stories from the 1800s.  I learned during this time about how a well-written play can influence a considerably large audience from many different phases of life.  I connected with characters in the pageant and from history in ways I never could have imagined, including Joseph and Emma Smith, Brigham Young, and Parley P. Pratt.  Participating in the pageant taught me how music, lyrics, dances, sermons, lighting, and word choice influence how a play is performed and received.  I am so grateful to have had the chance to serve and learn in the Nauvoo Pageant.