Chess Master

The first match ended almost before it began. I should have seen it coming. The first pawn of mine that was taken resulted in check-mate. So as suddenly as we started it was over. I don’t take losing easily and wasn't going to let that happen again, despite my lack of experience in playing chess, compared to the 72 year old retired English teacher with an Afro that was sitting across from me. 

The pieces were quickly retest which wasn't hard considering the brevity of the first match. The board was then rotated and play continued. Things were different this time. Play progressed, a queen was captured, castles consumed, knights knocked out, and pawns bishops bagged until finally I had his king trapped with no means of escape. My cunning and daring strategy had somehow outwitted the years of experience that guided the pieces opposite of mine.

Anyone else observing this scene would probably have difficulty believing their eyes. Here is an old man playing chess, which isn’t a surprise, but the fact that his opponent was barely a third of his age. Not a common occurrence especially which his opponent is there by choice and not out of obligation or any other ulterior motives. The old man’s junior, if he were common to his generation would expect to mercilessly distract by his phone and other outside forces, but somehow managed to keep these at bay. They formed what many would call a lopsided friendship. 

From an outsider’s perspective we had very little in common at all, but they couldn't be more wrong. Despite the many years that separated us, we had a lot in common. We both had the same sarcastic and ridiculous sense of humor, loved music and played the guitar, and liked to make fun of each other and others. Despite our physical age differences, our minds are both about the age of 13, which makes things almost too fun at times.

Once upon a time we were both working janitorial on weeknights cleaning the offices at a truck depot. It was probably the nastiest job that I have ever had. Especially the bathrooms, which were at times tainted by trucker blowouts. The only thing that made this bearable, and the only reason I was even there was because we had so much fun together. One night my “supervisor/boss” strategically hid himself in one of the back offices that I always got around to vacuuming last. As I opened the door I found a dirty rag flying at my face, and heard an unearthly yell. Needless to say I was quite startled and once I had my wits about be I found and old man literally rolling around on the dirty carpet with short bursts of giggling escaping at sporadic intervals.  

This is only one example of the many adventures that shaped and forged this unlikely friendship. Despite all of the fun and practical jokes, there were times when we would discuss more serious in an often light-hearted way, but knowing that deep down we both recognized the true importance of these more heavy matters.

As with most friendships time and circumstance would take us far from each other. Even with the many advantages with modern communication, we would rarely talk to each other. However whenever circumstances and time would permit we would make plans to go get a cheap senior discounted mean at a fast food restaurant, or for the first time, a friendly and competitive match of chess. Either way, whenever we would get together it was awesome because we both would be practically the same person that we were the last time that we met. It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks and when you’re as hard headed as me, change is slow and far between. I am always looking forward to the time that we get together. I also start to feel a bit older too when, we get to reminisce  about the many good times that we have had in the past.

My mom would always tell me growing up that friends would come and go but family is the only thing that will last. While she was right about basically every friend that I've had growing up until know that has been relatively close to my age has moved on for some reason. Marriage, graduating, military, and careers all seem to pull those friends of mine from my life. However I can truly say that I've had one friend that despite distance and changes in my life has always been there, and can without a doubt make me laugh. I don’t even want to think about the time that will come when he literally won’t be around anymore. At any rate before I know it I’ll be the one on the experienced side of the chess board, reliving my younger years with some punk kind.

Down the Window Crack

We were sitting in front of my apartment in his car, uncomfortably damp in our swimsuits after a summer night in the hot tub. I was making dumb conversation, not wanting to go inside and end the night.

“Let’s get drinks,” he said.

Thrilled he wanted to spend more time together, I suggested Sonic and we were off.

Waiting in the drive-through line we compared each other’s drivers’ license pictures while I worried his eyes would linger too long on my weight stat.

“Okay, let’s talk about something else,” I said, grabbing my license.

He put his license back in his wallet and took out his credit card. He rolled his window down because we were next in line to pay.

He snapped his card back and forth as he told me a story about his roommate. He gestured his left hand to emphasize a point when the card sailed away. 

There was a brief silence.

His face, always so collected, turned an endearing and entirely new shade of red.

“Did you just drop your card?”

“Uh. Yeah,” he said, leaning outside of the car to look down at the street.

“Do you see it?”

He kept staring outside and then felt down under his seat, but the card would not be found. 

"I'm sure it's here," I said with a nervous laugh.

“So," he said after a moment, "I don’t know how this happened…but I think it's down the window crack."

There was no way, yet it was true. He rolled his window up and down but the card would not come out. 

We lost ourselves in crying laughter before the car in front of us pulled away. I didn't care that I had to buy the drinks now; having an inside joke was worth four dollars. 

"I didn't even know that was possible," he said with a gruff laugh, rolling his eyes as he put the car in drive. 

We pulled up to the cashier with wet faces as he handed her my card. 

Mafia Mormons

Sitting in Sunday school I almost cringe every time that Peter would raise his hand. He never said anything that was wrong, offense or even inappropriate, but it was the way that he would talk. His voice would immediately increase in pitch as he would talk. It would become very soft and airy, and the content would always turn to some mission story. I have nothing against return missionaries or having them impart of their wisdom, but the way that they go about it make them seem like they are the most holy person in the room. It seems almost degrading just to be in their presence and hear them speak. I don’t want to have to strain to hear them speak, and then I don’t even want to participate in the lesson anymore because I don’t have anything that can top them. Church over for me as soon as he starts talking because he is always going to have the final word, so there is no point in even trying. His intentions aren't bad, but it seems more like he have something to prove. Missions change people’s hearts, minds, and souls, but why does it change the voices so many missionaries as well?

Without every fast Sunday Brother Falcone would slowly make his way to stand with his hunched back, slicked back hair and black pin-striped suit. It was inevitable that he would give a monologue about his Italian heritage and growing up in the slums on the east coast. The story seemed to be the same every week with very little variation. He would talk very slowly without looking out at the congregation, but instead he would stare at the base of the microphone while fiddling with the actual mic with one hand. The mic would making popping and scratching noises has his wingers would continue to connect with the mics surface and he would speak very softly, almost a whisper for a very long time. Then he would slowly make his way back to his seat. No one ever complained, but no one was ever really surprised by his reoccurring appearance each month. I don’t ever remember seeing him on any other Sundays, but without a doubt he would be there on fast Sundays. I always thought it was cool that we had a mafia member straight out of movie in my ward. He was so cool that everyone was afraid to tell to go sit down because he would be talking for too long. I was living life on the edge somehow through Brother Falcone making his appearances in church.

What to Do.

1.    An Inner Struggle.

This hotel was not any hotel, there was a huge convention going on. The first floor was covered with animal skins and hundreds of people everywhere. I was with my teammates for our state soccer competition. My family was back home and I was completely alone. One of the older teammates of mine let me know, “I could do anything and no one would even know.” She was one of the girls that was the star of the game. I felt like I could call her my sister we were so close. She looked after me in each decision I made. As the convention went on and as our state competition went on, the team was doing so well that we made it into the finals. One of the four days we were there, we did not have to compete against any teams or play in any games. We were waiting for the final competitions. The coach at that time told us, “It was our time to rest and recover.” My coach went to her room and was occupied the whole day with the TV going on. Another dearest friend that I am close to was with me during this exciting “resting” time. We were called us twins even though she was a different race. We played the positions of center midfield and right midfield.  The older teammate I was also close to reminded us one last time that, “I could do anything and no one would even know.” The other teams were settled at this same hotel but they were of the opposite gender. They were planning a large party and made sure to let my teammates and I know. I felt like I was obligated to go because my teammates would all be there. As I contemplated more and more my sister of a friend and I decided that we would not go. Instead we had a blast together being the elevator operators at the massive hotel we stayed at for our state competition.

2.    Scripture, Personal and Powerful.

I was preparing for this exciting state tournament all year and could not wait. My last class to go to before I left was my religion class, Seminary. During the class we read a verse in 2 Nephi chapter 2, I had really pondered this verse and enjoyed the simplicity reminding me, “And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.” After this experience at state I was lucky to remember this scripture. I saw that the next day none of my teammates that had gone to the party were doing well, and they all were sick or had “hang overs”. I noticed that in that verse it said “For he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.” Just as my other teammates wanted me to join them, I felt grateful to have contemplated and to have re-evaluated their question to turn down the invitation. Although I did not participate in the activities with that crowd that night or the “fun” as they called it, I was lucky to form a greater bond with my incredible friend. Most especially, I was at peace knowing that in the midst of the mist of darkness, I had found the path to follow that was the correct path. The peace that comes from a good choice far outweighs the momentary pleasure and is worth the cost. As an additional bonus, I noticed that I had not felt miserable the next day like they had, and I was able to play my best. We lost the game, but I won a great personal battle.

3.    A Wilderness Quest. 

Each year I go to the Wind River Mountains and enjoy every moment embracing the beauty of the world. It is a tradition to go on a long hike. One year as we were on our way back to our campground, I was the leader, and I realized that I had walked so fast that no one was behind me anymore. I was alone with my dog. I was frightened because I did not know the exact fork in the path to take. I kept trudging through the beautiful wilderness but got frightened because it had been longer then I thought it should have been. At that time I recalled that I could talk to God in a prayer. I felt silly at first but as I spoke, I noticed that I was no longer alone. I was no longer scared of finding my way back. I felt like Heavenly Father was helping me through this little struggle. I finally found the right path, and my dog and I were led straight back to camp. That very moment when I prayed out loud to God, I noticed that He was there, He was real, and He knows me and loves me. I was so thankful to get back to camp but expressed more gratitude as I became closer to my Father in Heaven

Driving, Dreaming, and Deliberating

An Inner Struggle

The winter semester was quickly drawing to a close and I had no idea what I was going to be doing for the summer. I had a job offer on the table, that I wasn’t super excited about but it did promise to pay me well, but was going to be a lot of hard work. On the flip side I was getting tired of school, and wanted to graduate sooner than later. I could just stay and work while taking a few classes so that I could move up my graduation date.

Neither was bad, but both had different benefits. I was torn as to what I should do, but time to make a decision was quickly drawing to close. It didn’t seem fair and I felt as though I was being forced into making a decision. I had been praying bout it for some time, but the answer just hadn’t come yet. I remember walking home from class one late spring afternoon and feeling impressed that I should give my dad a call. So I did and to my surprise so early in the afternoon he was available to talk. I don’t remember what specific words said, but I do remember the way that I felt. Whenever we talked about be staying and taking some summer classes while working at school I just felt good about it. I hadn’t felt this until now. So I knew that this was my answer and that this was what I was supposed to be doing. It wasn’t too soon either because finals were only a few days away.

Scripture, Personal, and Powerful

I was serving as a missionary in the Philippines Cebu Mission. It was a foreign land, with a new language, new food, and I got to spend all day with a complete stranger. Normally when put in perspective of two missionaries, that have never known each other you would expect that things should be just fine. Both are on missions which is good, and should be able to be united by a cause greater than themselves. If only this were true. I struggled at first. My trainer was a native Filipino and loved to work really hard. Normally that would sound like the perfect companion for me. However we had some very big disagreements on what working hard meant and how to best go about it.

Needless to say, there was a significant rift in our companionship which was effecting our work, or at the very least it was making me miserable. All I did was blame me companion for all of my hardships. One morning I was reading my scriptures during personal study, which I never really wanted to do, but thankfully I did. I was reading in 2 Nephi when Lehi was on his death bed, and giving his final message to his family. He told his sons to “arise from the dust and be men.” Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I was being really selfish in immediately pointing a finger at someone outside of myself, and hadn’t even thought about what I could change to help improve the situation. It was as if the Lord was speaking directly to me, just when I need it most.

A Wilderness Quest

Growing up camping and scouting played a very big role in my life. Most weekends I was sleeping in a tent, and was outdoors doing something.  Everything hiking, mountain biking or sitting around the campfire playing guitar. Ever since I’ve come to college I have missed be out doors and camping a lot. Being a fulltime student and working part-time while also full-filling my church responsibilities makes life very busy. Then on top of that I don’t own any of my own camping equipment, and if did buy some, I would have nowhere to put it, and up until recently I didn’t have my own vehicle either. So I would feel trapped in civilization. Constantly surrounded by smart phones, laptops, computers etc.

Every so often I could almost feel the walls closing in on me, so I should simply turn of my phone, and start walking. I would have no destination in mind, but would just go wherever my feet would carry me. Now that I have a car, will get in my car and usually drive towards the mountains, but with no specific destination in mind. It gives me time to really be isolated from outside distractions so I can have my thoughts to myself, and gives me a chance to reflect on life. It’s hard not to look around and admire the beauties of nature and feel grateful for all that I have been blessed with. Upon returning home I always feel refreshed and closer to deity and further from my worldly worries that can at times seem to be all consuming.

Being Jared's Brother

Example #1
Mormon 1: Character - A man is surrounded in his own country that has been invaded by his people's enemies. All his family and friends have been killed and his is completely isolates without anyone to turn to.
Example #2
Ether 1: Plot - A big group of people build a huge tower to get to heaven, and as a result get cursed so that they can't communicated with each other anymore. There is one family that has the curse removed, and they leave everyone else and go on an expedition.
Example #3
Ether 6: Dialogue - Two brothers are about to die, and are trying to decide who will be in charge once they are gone be a use they don't want their family to have a king. Their families asks for them to choose one of their sons to be king. They ask several of their sons until one of them finally accepts.
Example #4
Ether 2: Language - A man's brother forgets to pray for a long time since he forgot and became really lazy. So he climbs a mountain and has a vocal conversation with deity.

In Eliza's post she talked about walking around the house with her cousin and having feelings of emptiness because of the lack of different things, which is the same as Moroni being alone and having feelings of emptiness because of the losses and changes that he experienced.

Then Keegan talked about going to Africa and being only white people there, much like the brother of Jared's family being the only ones after the tower of Babel that were differwnt from everyone else because they are able to understand each others language.

Finding Purpose in Sprinkles

Physical Experience:

-Cupping an egg in my hand to warm it so the dough would have the right consistency.

-Sending all of my pots, cookie sheets and cooking spray bottles clattering to the tile when I tried to find my rolling pin.

-Feeling a gritty clump of butter/flour/sugar hit my face when my demon mixer overexerted itself.

-Wearing my late grandmother’s apron with purple flowers and having the strings in the back get stuck on the drawers of my kitchen island.

-Dancing around the kitchen barefoot to big band swing. I loved the way my curly hair would bounce around when I spun.

-Checking my phone and getting flour fingerprints all over the screen to see if he’d texted me.

Scenes

This moment was during the two-week period when I was alone in my apartment over the summer. Knowing I wouldn’t be interrupted made the baking process much more relaxed. I didn’t immediately wash the bowls or worry if my mixer was keeping someone awake. When sprinkles made the great leap from countertop to the floor and got stuck in between my toes I laughed instead of rushing for the broom.  I kneaded the dough, licked the spoon, and didn’t care how much of the baking process wound up on my body and apron.

Speech

I was alone for all of this, so I didn’t speak to anyone. However, I sang while the cookies were in the oven. Not in a pretty, Giselle in “Enchanted” way; in a crying, Taylor Swift-approved heartbreak therapy style. I had the reckless abandon of someone who, while roommate-less, completely forgot she had neighbors one floor below.

When I turned the music off and stopped singing around eleven, I was mostly quiet. However, there were moments when I’d talk to myself. I said all of the words I wanted to say to him but that never found their way to my mouth when he was actually there.

Emotion in the Moment

Nostalgia/Comfort: Baking will forever be tied to my mother. She preferred me to not help when I was growing up (I was messy and took too long) but she let me sit at the island while she worked. If I had a bad day at school or I was worried about something, she would find something to bake and I would talk while she cracked the eggs or dusted the brownies with powdered sugar.

Guilt/Shame/Awareness: At this point I started to feel a lot of guilt over how much of my friends’ time I had taken talking about this man for the past year and a half. His texts, the sometimes-horrible things he did and said, and my feelings for him were all I ever talked about. It was probably really annoying and disheartening to my friends to see me stay so unhappy and not listen to their suggestions to be done with him. I expected them to comfort me after he hurt me over and over again as we went through cycles of an unhealthy relationship, and they always would. I was so ashamed when I realized what I’d put them through, and how blind I had been by my own obsession and misery. Cookies couldn’t possibly repay them for their kindness and friendship, but I thought it was a concrete thing I could do to show them I appreciated them.

Pain: This baking moment came after I told him I was done for good. We’d had that conversation three other times, but I was determined that this was the real deal. It had been a week since that night and I ached.

People of Consequence:

Morgan: Best friend, first person I took cookies to. She has long brown hair, bright blue eyes, pale skin and a smile that will knock you out. She had been my roommate when I met him, and we both were so excited at what a wonderful guy he was. She saw us cycle from Easter brunch with his family to ignoring me for a month to reconnecting and saying he was so sorry to me finding out he was talking to four other girls after we’d talked about marriage. She knew about everything.

Morgan always looked at me when I talked about him with sadness in her eyes. She never made me feel bad for how I was feeling, which is why I trusted her and went to her for comfort. She made her frustration and annoyance at him (and sometimes at me) known, but she always did it in a loving way. Most of our talks about him happened in her black Honda Civic while driving to Café Rio or picking her husband up at the airport after med school interviews.  

Mom: She has brown hair and brown (sometimes green, depending on her contacts) eyes. Gives the best hugs and is the only person I've ever felt totally myself around. Loves me more than anyone and always wants what’s best for me. She knew most of the story (I omitted some parts because there are some things you don’t tell your mother). She was at the point where she wouldn’t let me talk about him with her because it made her so angry. I interpreted that as her being mad at me and I stopped talking to her as much.

Him: Guy I’d been in an off-again, on-again relationship with for a year and a half. He has brown hair, dark brown eyes that could either be really inviting or really cold, and an athletic build. I thought I was in love with him at this moment. He wouldn't talk about our relationship and denied it when one of our mutual friends asked him about it.

Shouting through a Megaphone!

Physical experience:

Rain plunking down on top of the water. Small lake in middle of nowhere. Floating under a dock watching the patterns of rain across the lake. Gray-silver sky above, cabin off to one side. The water is warm and my head kept away from the pounding of the rain on top of the dock. Light winds roll around, pushing the dock to one side. Feeling safe, soaking it all in. The smell of fresh water in the air, birds and animals have left, the only noise is that made by the water against water. Me floating on my lake in the rain.

picture from: focusonmexico.com

Scenes: 

At work. Normal day. Talking with my coworkers; going about our jobs. Lady walks in and asks a questions. Then asks who was in charge. We were all on the same level. None above another. Then the moment of realization; everyone was looking at me. I was now the most experienced employee. Others looked to me to get questions answered. They looked to me as if I was one “in charge”. I knew the answer. I solved the problem. I was now in a new position; a new sense of leadership. Hadn’t asked for it… it had just happened that way. Without warning.

Speech:

She insisted that she bought me my favorite ice cream. I was oblivious. She wanted to go sit in that field near a tree. She spoke calmly. She spoke with resolve. She was about to speak a dagger straight to my heart. We sat and ate. Then, these words, “So let me tell you a story.” Something was up. Something was wrong. I could tell from those words alone. And then her words came faster and faster. She wanted to go on a mission. She wanted to go without any “ties”. And then that was it. We never saw each other again.

Emotion in the moment:

Every High School student was affected. The girl had been shot in the head by a gun the kids thought was not loaded. Those who knew her were heartbroken. Even those who didn’t know her were affected. The whole school was somber. The Symphonic Band was asked to play as tribute. Many students had come dressed in their Sunday best. I played the French Horn in the band. Each musician played their heart out. We played for her. Students surrounded the band in the large entryway. The air seemed think and tears streamed down faces. The power of music said what everyone was already feeling. And yet, it healed.

Picture from: firstamendmentcenter.org

People of consequence:

Chris is one of those people that inspires. He is selfless and looks for ways to serve in every day circumstances. He once gave me five dollars— for no reason! He told me to save it for a rainy day. Who does that? No one else I know. He’s the kind of guy that you could knock down and he’d just jump right back up smiling. He’s a role model. He’s a type of a Captain Moroni. Those guys you just look up to and aspire to be. People say that actions speak louder than words, but when you have both actions AND words, you are shouting through a megaphone. That’s Chris. Chris shouts through a megaphone.

Homeless but Hopeful

Physical Experience

The sound of the hose running reminds me of the intricate cities I used to make in my oversized sandbox at home. We would set the hose up and the water would begin on a mountain on one side and wind its way through the entire canal-like system we built. Many moments of my childhood were centered on this sandbox that my father had made for me when I was very young. It was the only thing that connected me to home when we moved across the country from Colorado to Florida. I had to leave my sandbox behind, along with everything else that was familiar to me.

The only redeemable thing I found about Florida was the fact that my sandbox had just gotten bigger. I hated the weather, I hated the people, I hated everything about the move, but when we were at the beach it felt like the world was my sandbox. The grains of sand running through my fingers, swishing between my toes. The smell of wet sand as I molded it into cities, each more grand than the last.

Scenes

We’re sitting in a circle on the floor of the church gym. Close, but not touching. It’s loud outside as people collect their children while mothers chat and fathers joke. Inside the gym it’s quiet, almost eerily so, other sounds fading completely into the background. We’re young, ranging in age from seven to nine, and there’s at most six of us. We wait in anticipation as someone stands in the corner and shuts off the lights. Everyone is tense, waiting for the slightest shift in the air, no one daring to breathe. Then suddenly a squeal erupts from one of the younger girls and sets of a cacophony of screams. The lights flicker back on and we look at each other with wide eyes.

“I felt it.” A timid voice says.

Agreement is heard from several others. Panicked that there really were evil spirits lingering around we stood and raced out into the safely of the hallway, away from all thoughts of devilish hauntings. Safe and sound until we dared each other to do it again the next week.

Speech

I hear the sound of my father’s voice as we prepare to sit down to dinner with the elders. It’s deeper than average, and wavers a bit in tone as he tells a story. His animated voice carries into the kitchen, making all pause to listen. His animated nature draws people to him, without even being aware of it.

I hear his voice as he sings softly during church, avoiding drawing attention to himself but wanting so badly to be a part of the music. His voice does not match perfectly with the rest of the congregation, but it does not stand out.

There are words he does not pronounce right. Certain sounds that make him sound like a child learning to read. Silent letters and weird shifts in tone mean nothing to him. His deafness completely changes his entire communication process.

Emotion in the Moment

I remember being happy. It was a normal day, it was even a bit brighter than most.

I remember the excitement I felt at going out to dinner. The ancicipation that had been building all 

week.

I remember being impatient, wanting it to be time to eat already.

I remember the excitement as I rushed up the stairs at the sound of my mother’s scream.

I remember the fear I felt. The confusion. The distress.

I remember calling my sister, trying to explain the situation as best I could. My phrases were broken up and my heart was lodged firmly in my stomach.

I remember the fear I felt when I had to explain to her that they were taking dad to the hospital. The panicked feeling when I couldn’t get the words out to explain.

I remember the anger I felt when she didn’t understand.

I remember feeling like I was all alone. I felt more afraid then I’ve ever felt before in my life.

I remember feeling empty. Knowing before they said anything that he was already gone.

I remember the haunting feeling of sleeping in my house with someone missing from the picture.

People of Consequence

In my life I have met several select individuals that stand out in my memory. I have a bad habit of running around downtown when I get overwhelmed with emotions. Doesn’t matter the time or the place, it’s my only way to find relief.

On one particular occasion I had been running for almost an hour when I tripped and fell. I just sat there on the sidewalk for several minutes, unable to pull myself up and keep moving.

Suddenly I heard a voice. I didn’t believe they were talking to me so I ignored it. Again I heard them. 

They didn’t say they anything important, just asked how I was.

At first I was annoyed because obviously I was not doing well, but then I looked up and saw this man who was obviously not doing well in life.

He was dressed poorly, with rags and he appeared to not have showered recently. He was someone that I often would go out of my way to avoid when I saw them on the street, and yet he didn’t hesitate to come up to me. In fact, he was the only one who stopped.

He said a few words to me and we had a brief but inspiring conversation. His final words to me were, “keep your head up hun, the world is a piece of [crap] but you can find the beauty of it when you look.”

This man who I met by chance and have never seen since, he had more of an impact on my life than almost anyone else I’ve ever met. 

Tree Trunk Trauma

1) Physical Experience
• smell of gun powder wreaked coming immediately after the thunderous BANG from the airbags
• smell of grease and motor oil that didn’t wash out of my hands.
• crumpled front end of the Ford Trekker
• mahogany tree that had not clearly visible scars resulting from the massive impact
• exposed wire coming from the shredded wire of the rear tire of the car
• door jammed shut from impact, but the window of the door had already been rolled down
• the roof of the truck crumpled as the crane strained to the lift each of the four wheels off the ground
2) Scene
• The still smoking pick ip truck, two disoriented missionaries sprawled out on the ground, old women screaming incessantly among the surprising growing crowd of onlookers
• Standing on the dock, see the trucks inside of the ferry for a moment before they disappear completely as the ocean violently tosses the small boat despite the massive ropes desperately attempting to hold the tiny vessel before it ventures into the impending storm
• The garage that was once cluttered with tools, bikes, camping gear and remote control airplanes, now stood empty except for the lone crippled sedan that remained occupying one of the four available spaces.
• hearing the crash as the vehicle was literally dropped bay the crane, and shriek of metal on metal of what was left of the bumper catching the bed of the flat bed truck and being ripped off
3) Speech
• Bradley over heard mom telling Scott on the phone, “Next time he comes home, he either flies, or he’s not allowed to work on his car. I can’t handle this again.”
• The mechanic said, “It’s going to take at least 3 hours. This is a BMW.”
• talking on the phone and hearing Elder Bailey in the background yell, “They did what to the truck!?”
4) Emotions in the Moment
• Frustration with myself, knowing that I am responsible for engineering the conundrum that I found myself in
• Sheer surprise that they actually believe that the truck would explode at any moment
• Frustration knowing that I was the only one stable enough not only physically but unfortunately emotionally stable as well to talk to the police about what happened, and even worse being the one to call and report the incident to Elder Bailey
• Feeling completely alone, despite always having people around me and even my companion with me at all times
• a thick foreign accent through the phone saying, “I fix BMW, I do that for you.”
• Tire shop owner saying, “There is only one BMW in Shelby, Montana, and we’re looking at it.”
5) People of Consequence
• Elder Bailey, the missionary in the office responsible for vehicles, finance, and housing, that had the best of intentions, but that wasn’t afraid to raise his voice from the slightest irritation
• old women driving an ATV in downtown Billings, Montana
• tow truck driver, with a thick Iraqi accent, that drove an old beat up truck, and was talking on the phone the entire time he worked in the garage

It Doesn't Matter Where We Are, As Long As Memories Are Made and the Family Is Strengthened.

Physical experience:
I remember lying on the hospital bed as they asked me to roll over. they shoved a needle in my back, and I remember looking back over my shoulder to see this long string of blue coming out.

I remember begging my parents to not force me to take my earrings out because that would hurt and I didn't want to go in the machine. I also remember telling my parents I didn't need to be put under. I wanted to stay awake, and I wouldn't move or say "ouch." I didn't want them to put the tubes in my ear.

Scenes:
Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. It's a summer night, still hot, but we're on the beach at a carnival. The dancers are entertaining us with fire and music on the drums. The smell of the cooking Mexican food, the oriental salads. But most of all, my first taste of calamari, suction cup and all. It tasted like rubber.

When we go elk hunting, the cool crisp air combines with the heat of the sun. The smell is clean. It's relaxing and peaceful to be so high up into the woods. The scene is beautiful, all green and full of life. There are so many possibilities, so many new worlds to explore. I played house in the woods where we camped.

Speech:
Speaking Spanish in Mexico to the natives, trying to carry on a conversation. Then the others tell my mom and dad that they "did a good job." Scary. And they also told my parents good job on my friends looks. That's just gross and creepy.

The speech of my mom as she tells the family she has breast cancer. Then the speech, family fasting, family prayers, and blessing given to her the night before her surgery. How I told her that I wasn't scared, because Heavenly Father knows what He is doing.

Emotion in the moment:
So many emotions raced through me as I sat and watched my mom. Anger at the doctors, for doing this to her, and for not doing their job at giving her good medicine. Fear as I thought my mom was going to die. Panic. What would I do as a sophomore in High School losing my mom? This would change my whole life. What about the future times I would need her? What if she needed to lace up my prom dress? What about my wedding day when she is supposed to help me get ready? Helpless, because I couldn't take the pain away from my mom. Sad because I had to watch her constantly fight her body, to watch her roll over and cry in pain as the chemotherapy silently and slowly tried to kill everything in my mom's body.

People of consequence:

My cousins, aunts and uncles, siblings, and nieces and nephews while camping.

My mom and dad, and best friend Alli in Mexico.

The doctors and nurses.

The pharmacist.

The creepy guys in Mexico that tried to tell my parents good job on their "children"

Connecting With Your Heritage

1. Physical experience
- BYU Wilkinson room on the third floor
- hard floors with thin carpet
- big group of people dancing together
- sewing our Hawaiian skirts
- work out clothes every Saturday morning practice
- sweating from practicing for 2hours
- dancing bare footed

2. Scenes
- luau practice every Saturday morning at 6am
- walk to the BYU Wilkinson in the snow
- dividing up into groups to practice together
- remembering the songs my grandparents would play when I would go to their house

3. Speech
- chanting the songs
- talking with the other dancers

4. Emotion in the moment
- happiness
- understanding
- joy
- connection
- remembering growing up
- friendship

5. People of consequence
- luau instructors
- other dancers
- my cousins dancing in luau

Helping Those Who Can't Care For Themselves

1.       Physical Experience

·         Television sounded loudly with CNN as to help the listener feel she was not alone. No other sound was heard through the house

·         White furniture meticulously placed

·         No dish was out of place, no clutter throughout the home. Everything was cleaned and organized

·         Large bed, fluffy blanket and pillows, and one old withered woman tucked inside

·         Old lady clothes

·         Death

·         Helping those who can’t help themselves

2.       Scenes

·         I would visit Betty three times a week to give her a shower

·         Her wrinkled, aged body was warped and misshapen from arthritis

·         Her face would light up every time she saw me. She couldn’t say much, but her eyes expressed her gratitude.

·         Immense joy as I would pick her up and put her arthritic body in a warm bubble bath

·         I would try my hardest to put her hair in curlers and help her look like she did when she was younger. Although I was inexperienced and it often didn’t look very good, she loved being dressed up

·         Giving Betty her last bath, doing her hair, and dressing her nicely knowing that as I placed her back in bed knowing that in a short few hours she would die.

·         Her dead body lying in the same position I placed her earlier that morning. Family members mourning her death but rejoicing in her life

3.       Speech

·         One word answers

·         “thanks for nothing”

·         Communication through her eyes

4.       Emotions in the moment

·         Joy

·         Sadness

·         Thankfulness

·         Friendship

5.       People of consequence

·         The old woman I cared for as a CAN, her name is Betty. She was the sweetest woman I have ever met. 

·         Betty’s three children. They were so grateful for the help I offered. Caring for someone who is passing is a difficult task. 

·         The little yippity dog. The perfect guard dog, she yipped at everything and reminded me of an over sized rat

Heartache and Near-Death Scares

Physical Experience

• hotel room in Washington D.C.
• hotel bathroom
• dark night, halfway through our school trip
• Washington D.C
• long, empty hotel hallway
• charter bus
• museums in Washington D.C
• shiny wheelchair
• large museum/building lobby
• springtime in Washington D.C. (flowers, buds, beautiful)

Scenes

• the big lobby of the building we were touring, with beautiful stained glass and ornate decorations and paintings
• it was rainy and overcast
• spring was blossoming
• the charter bus had comfortable bench seats
• the missionaries and the bishop all had black suits on, and they were broad-shouldered

Speech

• my mom was talking frantically to my dad on the phone
• I spoke with the black lady at the end of the hall
• my mom got a blessing from the missionaries and local bishop
• the entire school group gave a spoken prayer on the bus for my mom
• many people gave words of comfort and hope
• Roxanne Lemos told us about her mom's story

Emotion in the Moment

• fear of the unknown
• anxiety about being alone and about my mom
• love for my mom and others around me
• faith, from many types of people
• worry
• lonesomeness
• nervous
• embarrassed about having the wheelchair
• selflessness
• concern for my family (who were still at home in California)

People of Consequence

• Mom!! beautiful, fun, well-organized, focused, smart
• overweight black lady in charge of school trip keeping watch outside their doors (like a counselor)
• two LDS missionaries from a local ward
• a local LDS bishop
• James Warwick's mom- graceful
• Brett Martin's mom- homely and down-to-earth
• Jacob's mom- caring. Hispanic
• Roxanne Lemos, our school tour guide- much like an adopted grandmother, knowledgeable 
• Mr. Smittee the bus driver- black, funny, kind, faith-filled
• Jacob- my closest friend, Hispanic