That's all very important, but I've also learned that we need to revisit grief from time to time. We heal, but we still have a missing piece to our heart. And so, we need to take time to grief on the anniversary of our lost loved one's death. We need to wake up 5 years and some months later on a sunny day and wish for a moment that they could enjoy it with us. We need to let the tear run down our cheek when 27 year later when we're alone and a quiet memory enters our head.
I believe it's healthy. I really do. Every once in a while we need to take the time and grieve however we need to grieve.
As for me? I need to write. Her name was Vicky. She died when I was nine. And sometimes I still need to work through her death. I'm no poet (meter. I can't do meter.), but I've written countless poems and short stories about her and to her. Death leaves us with a thousand feelings, and we can't understand them or explain them all, so I write and write and write. And sometimes big events happen like high school plays and graduation and college and marriage and babies, and she's not there, so I write and write and write. And then I'm finally dedicating time to writing a novel like I've always wanted to, and I know she'll be proud.
So I write and write and write.
Sisters, Vicky and Valerie, after switching their clothes (including the oxygen tank)
Other spiritual-literary experiences for me:
- The time my dad (my non-creative writing, mathematician/pilot dad) took the time to write a private, sweet tribute to my sister
- When I read Jane Eyre for the first time, having no previous knowledge about it and no need to read it critically
- The time my father read aloud The Bronze Bow to my family because the book affected him so much
- The time my mom and I found an essay from Vicky and we read about her heartaches
- Reading a personal essay by Tessa Santiago echoing my feelings about childbirth that I couldn't verbalize
- Hearing stories from my ancestor's and connecting with their trials
- Writing a personal essay about my emotionally abusive boss and trying to have compassion
- Taking a novel writing class from the amazing Carol Lynch William, and feeling that I could achieve my dream of being a novelist