Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Getting Personal Here

Inner Struggle- It’s an Addiction
It’s right there. My mind is bothering me. Should I do it? Will I regret it? It really isn’t that big of a deal. Okay fine. I want it. I did it. I regret it. Why did I do that to myself? It honestly wasn’t even worth it.

I don’t have an eating disorder. I am just anal about food. I can’t stand this continuous process I go through every time I decide to eat something. But I also can’t help it.

I don’t have a disorder.
I have an addiction.
I am in love with food.
I hate the guilty feeling after eating what I do not need.

It is a social component.
“Let’s grab some lunch”
“Are we going to the dessert party?”
“One word, Sodalicous.”

Eating is so much fun. Being able to connect with another human being because of food is different then any other connection I have ever experienced. We need to eat to live. But what about all the extra things we don’t need to live but eat? I do it because I am addicted to the side effects. But why? I have no clue. It is my inner struggle.

Scripture- New Beginnings
            I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father; and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days.”

Every year my parents would gather my family the night before school and give my siblings and I a blessing. I looked forward to this time because I knew how special it was that I was able to receive such a blessing. But, this is the scripture that made this blessing stay with all year. Every first day of school my mother would wake us up to have family scripture study. We always restarted the Book of Mormon and this is the scripture I think back to. Even though our fathers blessing only happened once, studying the scriptures everyday reminded me of those blessings I was promised. Starting with this verse reminds my where I came from and who I want to be. It gave me a new beginning to a new year. Restart button. This scripture has been something I look forward to once a year.

            Since I was young my mother had me enrolled in many extra circular activities. Now that I am in college I like to keep myself busy and it is the beginning of the Book of Mormon that brings me peace and calm through out my stressful days.

Wilderness- Why am I here?
I am not a camping person. But I like to have fun. My best friend, Haleigh, and I had decided to take a trip down to Moab Utah to visit another friend who was a river guide there. Luckily for us my dad had gone to several Scout Camps and we had plenty of gear to take with us. Our friend had told us that it was warm enough that we didn’t need a tent. We grabbed cots, sleeping bags, pillows, and a cooler. By the time we got there it was late afternoon and our friend met us at our camping site and helped us to set up camp. There we made a fire where we cooked a luxurious hotdog and chill dinner and finished the night with smores. Our friend left to go back to her home and me and Haleigh were left in the Moab wilderness with no tent, and really no knowledge of camping. We laid on our cots and had pillow talked until we both decided we should get some sleep because we were going to have a long day on the river with our friend the following day. As I laid there in silence I realized I couldn’t fall asleep. After about ten minutes I had asked Haleigh if she was still awake. She was also having a hard time to go to sleep. The weather was warm enough but there was also a full moon. The moon and the star were so bright we could see each others faces clear without any extra light. It seemed the higher the moon rose the brighter the sky was. It was beautiful and kept me up all night thinking. I thought about the world I was created in. Why it was created for me. What is my true purpose here in this beautiful land.


  1. I really like how your voice is consistent with all of these pieces, but the tone of them changes with the content. You're really able to provide variety with what you are writing and how you are writing it, which is really cool.

  2. I love the scripture account because I connect to that so easily. My family has always done the same things each year.
    I also love the creativity of the inner struggle. It's not something I would have thought about but the way you described it made so much sense.

  3. You are a great concrete writer. That is something I struggle with, so I appreciate it in others. Also, I like your food poem / stream of consciousness.

  4. You are a great concrete writer. That is something I struggle with, so I appreciate it in others. Also, I like your food poem / stream of consciousness.