finding balance.

I shared with some close friends and got some really positive feedback. They weren’t exactly the most critical of people, but I think it really helped that they all knew me well enough that they knew the stories I was outlining were very personal and very real. I was not necessarily scared to share with these people because I knew they would be as honest with me as I am with them in what I wrote. Plus, they weren’t going to be put off or disturbed by my content. I knew that they knew that I could take whatever they had to say on what I wrote. At the same time, I wished they would have been slightly more critical and asked for more specifics, so I’m not quite satisfied with their feedback, but I am fine with that. Here are some of the things they said:


L. - “I like the way you tell your stories. It’s very honest. They’re very personal, but everyone can still relate to them; it's balanced. The way you see things, is very creative and honest.”
P. – “One particular strength I think you have in your writing is that you convey the context well while separating your personal emotion from it. The first essay was personally intense and a struggle. The second felt so much like what was happening was happening, and finally at the end of it all came the bitterness, then the powerful scripture. And finally the third was also conveyed well emotionally, it seemed like you had a sporadic reaction to life changing news and the comparison of running and not going was key. Without a doubt you have your own style.”
J. – At first was saying how she wanted to know more about the last one and after prying a bit, she said: “Yes I wanted to know more. I guess you just knew that you didn't want to go, but I felt like I needed a reason for why you decided not to. And if you were unable to give me a reason, maybe at least a reason why you felt like you needed to run. And was running a metaphor? Yeah... I don't know lol. It's like you went from a to c. But maybe I don't see the b because I'm not Mormon lol” Which makes total sense and I didn’t write about that part anyway. This feedback was the most constructive.

R. – “I think that I really like the situations you chose, because they let you in on some very personal thoughts, while the outsiders in those situations had no idea such deep and real thoughts were going on. In each one, the people around moved on and it has faded away in their memories, but for you these were very real and life changing experiences.”
A. – “I loved this. Your description of smoking was void of any tired clichés I had heard before; I mean "It was an overwhelming high, where I felt like a lava lamp with an insatiable case of the munchies"? Perfect word choice. Also, your honesty was what I most appreciated as a reader; your writing was REAL (sorry no italics) and that made me feel what you were feeling (especially in regards to marijuana and missions).”



I really enjoyed sharing my writing but I need to find a balance of those who will be critical and those who will not be put off by the content of my writings.

People DO Listen

I began my sharing by first contacting members of my family and asking them to read through it and tell me what they thought. The reaction I got from my family members was awesome! My mom of course went on and on about how it touched her but I guess that it to be expected. What really surprised me were the responses from my brothers. My oldest brother, who is semi-active" called me right after reading it just to chat. He told me he felt the spirit while reading it and really enjoyed it. He even remarked that he really liked the comparison to the BOM I made. I had another brother read it and after he told me that he felt the spirit quite strongly and it helped him make a difficult decision of what he should study in school. He said that he has been thinking about doing something in the medical field but didn't think he could handle medical school. He said that he loved the experience I showed and felt like he should go into the nursing field. 

After the response I gained from my family I felt better about myself so decided to share it with the people on my plan but also with others that I wasn't planning on sharing with. One individual is named Alex. He and I danced ballet with each other for years and are great friends. He is a non-member so I thought it would be great to get his perspective. He and I talked after he read it and he said that he felt a strong feeling while reading it that made him get emotional. I didn't bring up anything about the spirit but plan on meeting up with him over Christmas break and talking about it then in a more personal setting.

I also shared the concept of our class essays in Sunday school. I wan't planning on anything coming out of it, I just brought it up in a comment I made. Following the lesson I had two guys in my ward walk up to me and ask me about the essays. We talked about them and then they asked me for the link because they had some friends who could benefit from stories that have religious undertones but aren't super explicit. I gave them the link to my essay and told them to read the other essays too. They seemed really excited about the concept and mentioned that they were interested in doing something similar to help share the gospel.

I was shocked about the response I got from my essay and look forward to continuing using writing as a tool for missionary work.

Spreading the Word

I have had some great experiences sharing my personal essay with my friends and family. At first I was a little nervous about sharing it with so many people but I became more comfortable the more I shared it. Connecting with old friends was really neat and this was a fun way to catch up with them.

The experience with sharing the personal essay through social media was new for me. I first sent my essay to my family and some friends through email. I had talked to them previously about the essay I was writing and a lot of them wanted me to send it to them when I was finished. I received some great feedback and some of my family were really interested because they learned things about me that they hadn't known before.

After emailing my essay to my friends and family, I decided to share it with people that were directly involved or mentioned within. One of the people I shared it with was part of a family of 17 kids that I mentioned in my essay. I sent him a personal message on Facebook. He really liked it and we actually talked about getting lunch sometime to catch up. It has been several years since I spoke with him and I think it would be neat to see him and reconnect. 

It was also a good time to call my sister-in-law and spend some time catching up. We talked a little bit about her first few weeks being married and her new job. After talking for a bit, I mentioned that a friend in one of my classes worked in home health care and wrote a really neat essay about Jeremy’s last moments with an elderly woman on her death bed. My sister-in-law is a CNA and was actually in between homes when I called. I sent her the link via text message and she was excited to read it. I am sure that she will be able to relate to Jeremy’s experience.

I actually plan on continuing to share my essay with others even after the class has ended. There are many people who I haven't thought of yet and I am sure many people could benefit from it down the road. Over the Christmas break I will be seeing some of the people I shared my essay with. I am sure there will be some discussion about what they read. 

To Whom To Share, To Whom Not To Share? This Is The Question That Haunts Me. . .

Contemplating this project, I had a hard time getting three people. After I did, though, more names started popping up in my mind! I'm excited for a few of these people to read these essays. But I also miss my distant friends, so I'm more excited to talk to them again.

1: A good friend, Gavin H. Gavin is a high school friend that I have kept in a lot of touch with since I graduated. I have been helping him with his homework, and talking with him about his life a lot already, so it will be pretty easy for me to approach him about my essay. I would rather read it out loud to him, which I could see him next Saturday to do so.

2: A close friend, Karen H. Karen is a really good friend that I have made over quite a few months, but we've gotten closer more recently. She is one that I would probably share the link to, over Facebook to watch the video. I would also include the playlist, so she could see everyone's videos. I think she would really like it. She is also another one that I could easily share to, so I wouldn't need to do too much extra effort. I really look up to her, and value her opinion, so she is a great option for me.



Kendra F.

3: My friend Kendra F. I would rather her read the essay on her own time, than have me read it to her. She is also another friend that is from high school. I haven't kept in touch with her as much though, so I would have to text her and see how she's doing. I would do that for a while (a few days, at least) before I would bring up the essay. But she would be a great person to give feedback.


4: A distant friend Morgan C. I knew her my junior year of high school. She moved away the next year, so I haven't kept in contact with her as much. She separated herself from social media, and got a new cell phone number, but she checks Facebook pretty often. I could probably get her number if I messaged her on Facebook, and get updates on her life. She is a non-member, so the Book of Mormon aspect might interest her or push her away. When I knew her she was interested in the church, but I don't know how she feels about it now. I would definitely have to get to know her again before I would feel comfortable sending her the links to both the videos and essays (videos first.)

5: A former teacher, Shawna B. Being from a small town, everyone knows everything. Mrs. B was really close with my family, and so she knew what went on in my essay. I would like to send her this link to my essay; she always seemed to like my writing. She graduated from BYU and teaches English. She would be a great person to get feedback from.

6: A former teacher, Liz S. Liz was one of my best friends during my senior year of high school. She was a great mentor and teacher; really shaping my life. I haven't kept as much in touch with her as I would have liked to. I have seen her often since graduation, but not enough. I would have to text her (she was also an advisor to my Student Government class, so that is why I have her number. Not to be creepy or illegal or anything...) and see how she is doing before I would send her a link to just my video.

7: Ephraim T. One of my friends who is serving a mission right now. I would like to send him the essay and pictures from Keegan's posts. Ephraim is serving in Tahiti, so I'm sure he would relate to this essay. I think it would also help him recognize the beauty of where he is serving and the people around him. He would really love this essay.

8: Todd F. I would share with him Clark's essay about not eating the stale donuts. I would read him this essay the next time I go home. Todd would really relate to this essay, because he has told me a story about one time he went home teaching. The guy they were visiting offered Todd a peanut from a large bowl in the middle of the table. After he declined, the guy told him he just liked the chocolate on them, and he didn't like the peanuts. The guy had sucked all of the chocolate off and put the peanut in the bowl to offer visitors! He was really glad he didn't take one. So Todd would really get a good laugh out of this essay.


Ready for Marriange?

Personal essays… personal essays…

You know, the problem with sharing personal essays— is well, they’re personal.

Photo from: christianpost.com

I decided to share my essay with my fiancée. We’ve dated for a year now and we have gotten know each other extremely well! Or at least I thought so. 

As she read my personal essay all she kept repeating over and over was, “I thought I knew everything about you!” and “Why have you never told me about this?”

Suffice it to say it actually rattled us a bit. How much do we TRULY know about each other? Do we know each other as well as we thought we did? Are we ready to get married? Are we actually ready?

The personal essay is a form that is so unique and intimate that it provides a space for reflection that even fiancées don’t tend to bridge frequently. After contemplating all this, the only lame excuse I could give her was, “well, it never came up.” 

She gave some advice on the rhetorical side of my personal essay.
She explained that some symbolism was vague and I would be better off to state it more fluidly with the rest of the tone of my paper.
Another idea she had was to change the timing at which I interjected thoughts of the Book of Mormon within the events of the story.
 I love the advice she gave and I’ll be sure to implement them for the final draft of my essay. 

An Inspiration

I really enjoyed the chance I had to share my post with my roommate. My personal narrative is about a very difficult time in my life and a very good friend that I lost. While reading through my narrative I didn't really look up. I had my eyes glued to the screen because I was kind of afraid to see the reaction. At the end of my post I did look up to see tears in her eyes. That was a moment when I knew that my personal narrative had improved and is starting to become what I want it to be.

I want my narrative to make a connection with the reader, so that they really feel Jared's light and inspiration. I definitely still have some work to do with it, but I received some good feedback that it's on the right path. I will be working on emphasizing the smaller details of his story to make a stronger connection and message as I move forward.

After I read my post to my roommate she commented to me "I don't know what I would do if that happened to me..." We got into a deeper conversation about that. I shared more of my feelings at the time of his death and we talked about other things in our lives that have been difficult. We talked about the death of younger people and what a shock it can be. Lives are to be cherished because they are so unpredictable. We have to appreciate every moment we have with those around us.