finding balance.

I shared with some close friends and got some really positive feedback. They weren’t exactly the most critical of people, but I think it really helped that they all knew me well enough that they knew the stories I was outlining were very personal and very real. I was not necessarily scared to share with these people because I knew they would be as honest with me as I am with them in what I wrote. Plus, they weren’t going to be put off or disturbed by my content. I knew that they knew that I could take whatever they had to say on what I wrote. At the same time, I wished they would have been slightly more critical and asked for more specifics, so I’m not quite satisfied with their feedback, but I am fine with that. Here are some of the things they said:


L. - “I like the way you tell your stories. It’s very honest. They’re very personal, but everyone can still relate to them; it's balanced. The way you see things, is very creative and honest.”
P. – “One particular strength I think you have in your writing is that you convey the context well while separating your personal emotion from it. The first essay was personally intense and a struggle. The second felt so much like what was happening was happening, and finally at the end of it all came the bitterness, then the powerful scripture. And finally the third was also conveyed well emotionally, it seemed like you had a sporadic reaction to life changing news and the comparison of running and not going was key. Without a doubt you have your own style.”
J. – At first was saying how she wanted to know more about the last one and after prying a bit, she said: “Yes I wanted to know more. I guess you just knew that you didn't want to go, but I felt like I needed a reason for why you decided not to. And if you were unable to give me a reason, maybe at least a reason why you felt like you needed to run. And was running a metaphor? Yeah... I don't know lol. It's like you went from a to c. But maybe I don't see the b because I'm not Mormon lol” Which makes total sense and I didn’t write about that part anyway. This feedback was the most constructive.

R. – “I think that I really like the situations you chose, because they let you in on some very personal thoughts, while the outsiders in those situations had no idea such deep and real thoughts were going on. In each one, the people around moved on and it has faded away in their memories, but for you these were very real and life changing experiences.”
A. – “I loved this. Your description of smoking was void of any tired clichés I had heard before; I mean "It was an overwhelming high, where I felt like a lava lamp with an insatiable case of the munchies"? Perfect word choice. Also, your honesty was what I most appreciated as a reader; your writing was REAL (sorry no italics) and that made me feel what you were feeling (especially in regards to marijuana and missions).”



I really enjoyed sharing my writing but I need to find a balance of those who will be critical and those who will not be put off by the content of my writings.

A Mother's Critique

I chose to share my personal essay with the smartest person I know: my mom.  She was traveling internationally and so it was surprisingly difficult to get a hold of her until today.  But as we read over my essay together, I was reminded of how cool she is.  She is an English major and her favorite pastime is reading novels.  Therefore, I imagined that she could give fairly helpful feedback.  I was correct.

Most of the feedback I received was literary.  She analyzed a lot of aspects of my paper, like tense, transitions, and wording.  She helped to recognize a lot of areas where I was too vague, for example, by saying, “we sat,” instead of explaining who was sitting.  “Do not overestimate your audience and assume that they can always follow what you are thinking.” As she pointed this out, I realized that it is something that I do a lot in my writing.  

At one point during our conversation, I even felt slightly frustrated because there were so many things that were apparent to her that I needed to improve.

However, she also was very happy to see me writing about my brother. “You’re a good writer, I like what you’ve done.  I’m quite impressed actually.”  She told me this when I finished reading it to her.  She suggested that I also show it to my brother because he was the subject of my personal essay.  It makes me wonder what his reaction to it will be.  But I believe that I will wait until the final draft before showing it to him.

All in all, this sharing experience opened my eyes to a more clear style of writing, and helped me to bond with my mother.  We remained talking for over an hour after she finished giving me feedback on my essay. 

Sharing Time with my Wife

I chose to share my personal essay with my wife.

She enjoyed my description of my moving to Utah as a young man. In the first part of my essay she really liked how I portrayed my love for Iowa and all the people I spent a lot of time with. This helped her to understand even more clearly how I felt when I moved to Utah as I described the changes I experienced in my essay. The connection I established to Iowa through my use of imagery helped her relate to leaving Iowa. She said she could relate to feeling so attached to a residence because she had formed some similar memories in her hometown.

As I read to her some of my first experiences with Utah, she laughed because it was fun for her to see just how different Utah is to someone who isn't from here. She thought I did a great job of setting up the environment I was thrown into upon moving here. The details I provided about the culture that existed at the middle school helped her to understand why I experienced some of the challenges I faced as the new kid.

My wife said the voice I used in my essay was creative and fitting for my essay. She thought it added to the middle school aged experiences. She thought that if someone who was young and in middle school were to read my essay they would most likely be able to relate well. She said the effective use of voice pulls the reader into my shoes within the essay.

Towards the end of my essay I tie my experiences into the Book of Mormon through Lehi and his family's experience moving into the wilderness. My wife thought I could tie this into my story more than I am now. One of the suggestions she had was to add more information about how my brothers in my family may have either helped or hurt my experience as the new kid. She mentioned that this may help me relate to Nephi even more.

Overall, sharing my personal essay and reading it aloud to my wife was a positive experience. I think she learned new things about me and my youth while providing some good feedback for improvement. I would like to share and receive feedback on any future writing I do as well.