Calmed and Directed

1. Inner Struggles

Stepping into the apartment, I was very proud of myself. The date had gone really well! She told me that she loved the restaurant, the flowers, and the activity afterward— but as we entered the apartment I could tell something was on her mind. She had fallen silent and her slightly furrowed brow told me the lighthearted, carefree feeling of the night was gone and may not return.

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She went and sat on the couch with me. The silence was less awkward than I expected it to be; both of us were deep in thought. And as we sat there she took a sharp breath before whispering, “So I’m thinking about going on a mission.” OH. NO. Great. Just great! What was I to do? Do I support her in her desire to leave for a year and a half? Or do I discourage it? How do I answer? I had to respond within a couple seconds and my mind was going a million miles a second. Is there a chance that she’ll stay? What if this is just a test! How seriously is she actually considering leaving?

Without fully making a decision in my own head, words just flooded out. “You would be a fantastic missionary.”
I spent the rest of the night wrestling with those words.

2. Scripture, Personal and Powerful

I used to not be the best with staying on top of religion. There is a lot to do! Go to this meeting, go to that get together, write a talk, teach a lesson, go visit the widow down the road. And I guess I just got complacent. It’s easy to get complacent. With a never ending number of things to put your time and focus in, no wonder why you it can be easy to lose sight of certain things. It was one day I had actually found time to read the Book of Mormon. I came across a section where Mosiah is teaching his children about the scriptures. I realized that this is exactly what I needed to hear. I was to do all these things in church so “so that I can become [a man] of understanding” and that if “it were not for [all of this church stuff, I would have been ignorant]… not knowing the mysteries of God” (Mosiah 1:2-3).

I felt enlightened. If it were not for all of these things that I learn through the activites of the church, I would be missing out on all of these important truths. These truths, or mysteries of God, are key to our time here on Earth. They help guide me to my purpose and give me reason to stay on top of the many things we are asked to do.

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3. A Wilderness Quest

A wilderness quest. It seems every person in life has one of these at one point in their life. It just takes that moment of crisis; that moment of uncertainty. It is then that a person must make a change. They must reach out to something greater than themselves— that is because the answer cannot be found within them. It comes from something higher than humanity itself. This experience happened to me a few years ago and just like others who came before me, it happened in a sacred moment with nature.The scene was my family’s cabin in Michigan. We own a small lake there and quite a few acres of land. It’s in the middle of nowhere and dirt roads are commonplace. This provides for an excellent opportunity to be alone.I had a lot of things on my mind at the time. I wasn’t sure what I should do with my life. It was causing me a good deal of stress and so I decided to take a walk around the woods  of the property. As I crossed a hill I saw the lake glittering through a section of the trees. The sun was bright but I was hidden amongst the shade of the trees around me. It was there in that moment that the scripture came into my head, “Peace, be still.” Mark 4:39. Jesus commands the wind and storm around him to be still. And as I looked around, I thought that nothing could be quite as still and calm as this. That spiritual experience in the woods helped me learn that everything is in His hands. And just as the winds and storms were calmed— I was calmed too.

Find the Bright Side

1. I was standing in my bedroom with my acceptance email from BYU in one hand and my full ride scholarship to the school of my choice. I had no idea what to do. My dream job and the life I wanted was at my fingertips, but I knew it wasn't where I was supposed to be. I knew without a doubt that I needed to go to BYU. I knew that I needed to grow spiritually and learn at the Lord's university. Even with this sure knowledge, it was such a temptation to reply YES! to my dream school. At that moment, I got on my knees and prayed to Heavenly Father to give me the strength to turn away what I always wanted in my life. I wanted to be an interior designer and I was accepted to any FIDM school of my choice, but it wasn't BYU. Upon kneeling down onto my knees in the privacy of my bedroom, I started to cry and shake because of the stress that was falling upon my soul. I then felt comforted that everything would be alright. To go to BYU and I would grow in ways that I would never even imagine.

My first weeks at BYU were TOUGH! I hated the dryness in the air. I hated not being able to breathe through my nose. I hated that my skin was always cracked instead of silky smooth. I hated that everyone was Mormon. Once again, I had to kneel on my knees and pray to like BYU and to not compare it to California in every way. After quite a few semesters at BYU, I love everything about BYU. I am so happy that Heavenly Father helped me to see the light in this situation.

2. A scripture that I love is 1st Samuel 16:7. I teach little children how to read every morning fro 8 to 12 (this is the reason why I walk in late most days). Most of these children come from horrible homes where they are abused sexually, emotionally, and/or physically daily. Before I started working there, I was a volunteer. I have never felt closer to the spirit as I did when I was volunteering at little Geneva Elementary School in Orem. The children would give me hugs everyday and I remember weeping as I thought of the lives they had at home and how I wished I could just teach them that they are children of God. That I loved them more than they could ever imagine and if their parents were not able to be there for them, I would be there for them. Through service, I became closer to my Lord and because I was closer to my Lord I was able to serve those children in every way they needed.

3. One Sunday I was extremely homesick. I went to Sacrament meeting and decided that I wanted to just leave and explore to get my mind off of my family and the stresses of life. While I was walking out of the Sacrament Hall I decide that I would take my car to the mountains to see the leaves change and get away from the stresses of life for a while. I cried the whole way up to the top of that mountain and when I finally stopped the car I just felt so far away from the stresses of school and life that I finally felt at peace with my life. I realized that I was put on this earth for a reason and that I would learn how to be away from my family. I would make it through this time of hardness and learn to be happy. I finally saw the bright side of being at school in Utah and being away from my family. I was learning so much about myself it was unbelievable.

When life gets hard, I always drive to that same part of the mountains (unless its snowing). I look around at the beautiful creations that God put on this Earth and realize that we are all put this Earth for a reason. When life gets hard, God is right beside us showing us the bright side to everything.

Assignment: Composing Devotional Writing

As my LDS Literature students explore different ways of going about writing in the personal essay genre, I'm having them experiment in various ways. For their next blog post, I want them to generate new material -- either connected to writing they've already done, or not. They will do this, however, in terms of devotional writing.

What is devotional writing and why does it matter?

"Writing in the Dawn" by Thomas Anshutz

The genre of devotional writing matters to those who see writing as mode of worship and of spiritual work. My students are Latter-day Saints, inheriting a strong faith tradition tied to personal expression and private writing. I want them to recognize that people have been writing from a personal and religious angle for centuries, and that this has been a respected area from both a spiritual and a literary point of view. Maybe they could draw courage, as well as practical models, from some of those who (from Catholic, Protestant, or Mormon traditions) have written this way.

I will be asking my students to try their hand at three approaches to devotional writing (as explained in detail below):

1. Narrating an inner struggle
2. Writing in a personal way about scripture
3. Telling about a wilderness quest

But first, a recap of my lecture today on devotional writing (Find the recording here):